In Search of Happiness
by dsmith141
Summary: Very AU. Set along and around the timeline of season 6 with my own take on things. Willow, Tara Spike and Dawn are all quite unlucky as far as love and relationships go. Sure they have friends but when their love lives are concerned things tend to go pear
1. Autopilot

Author: dsmith141  
Title: In Search of Happiness  
Story Rating: 18/R/M (depending on which rating system you're using)  
Chapter Rating: 12A/PG-13/K+  
Summary: A few of my favourite characters desperately trying to find love. Starts after Tabula Rasa. _Thoughts in italics just so things don't get confusing  
_Pairings: Spike/Tara  
Feedback: Yes please this is my very first fanfic so please give constructive criticism and tell me how to improve or the entire story will just end up being crap  
Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns everything and I own nothing except my pathetic little fantasies of Spike drools

Chapter 1  
She was running on autopilot. No idea where to go. What a sight she must've been, walking through the rainy streets with a box full of her possessions. The rain mingled with the tears that were already streaming down her face. She broke into a run and was turning corners at random. She stopped and leant against a wall to catch her breath a few blocks away and she slid down the wall giving way to the fresh wave of tears that had been threatening to flood her cheeks. After a while she stood in order to get her bearings. She'd been here before. It looked so familiar but she couldn't remember why. She felt eyes on her and she heard the dull thud of heavy footfalls on the damp grass. She heard the flick of a lighter and the draw of breath as the unknown person took a drag on a cigarette. She sensed them walking closer, rapidly crossing the gap between them and all she could do was stand there. Mentally she was kicking herself, '_never run around Sunnydale after dark. and around a cemetery as well Tara you stupid, stupid girl, goddess you deserve to be eaten__'__, _but all she could do was stand there. She couldn't even turn round to face her assailant. Another long drag on the cigarette came from behind her.

"you'd make for some quite impressive beastie bait love, you oughta know better than to hang around these parts after dark."

Spike. She could hear the swagger in his voice and she turned to face him with tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Glinda, what's wrong pet." He noticed the soggy boxes in her hands and her shivering, "we'd best get you somewhere dry. Come on. Me crypt's closer than you're place"

She blindly let him lead her through the darkness. Her tears blinded her and all she wanted to do was to lie down and sleep for an age. He took the box from her hands and held it under one arm while holding her close to him under the other to try and warm her up. She smelled the leather of his coat and found herself lost in his musk. He really did, she decided through her incoherent thoughts, smell rather good for a walking corpse. He gripped her tighter to him as she slipped on the wet grass and was practically carrying her by the time they got to his crypt, mostly due to her inability to dodge stray tree roots. He kicked open the door of his crypt, set Tara's box down on his sarcophagus and he helped her down the ladder to the lower part of his crypt. He handed her one of his T-shirts and a pair or his boxers.

"You'd best change outta those wet clothes pet or you'll freeze to death. Dunno if I've got any bottoms that'll fit you mind. I'll go get you a cuppa while you sort yourself out down here."

"S-Spike," She all but whispered. It was all she could manage and she was surprised it came out at all

"Yea Pet"

"T-Thank you. "

"You need a place to stay luv?"

"Only if you don't mind"

"Of course not pet. Glad of the company if am honest"

"I'll try and find an apartment or a motel of something tomorrow I promise"

"No need pet, you're welcome as long as you like"

"Thank you"

"No problem. Get changed. I'll be back with you're tea in a bit"

Tara watched Spike climb the ladder back to the upper level of the crypt before she started to slowly peel her wet clothes away. She pulled the T-shirt he'd given her over her head and smelt him on the shirt, which comforted her for some reason. She sat on the bed behind her and hunched herself up into a ball to try and warm herself up a bit. Spike came back down the ladders with a cup of tea and his own mug of blood, He sat beside her on the edge of the bed and handed her the tea.

"So what happened? How come you ended up slumped against a cemetery wall lookin' like someone just killed your cat?"

She sipped her tea and tried to control her sobs for long enough to tell him what happened."W-willow. She, she. We had a fight and she did a spell to make me forget about it. When I found out we had another fight and she promised to stop using magic. Then the day after she did it again. S-She broke into my mind and made me forget it happened. So I-I left her and I had nowhere to go so I just ran."

She drank a bit more of her tea and let tears flow silently down her cheeks. On hearing the story Spike spluttered slightly on his mouthful of blood.

"I never thought red would ever do anything like that, especially to you. I though she was an honourable gal and now I hear she's been breakin' into peoples minds. That's not right. It-it's practically rape"

He frowned at the thought as he took another mouthful of his blood and he put his arm round her, holding her close to him. She hugged him back with her free hand and sobbed into his chest.

"I-I didn't know what to do. I needed to find somewhere to stay but I didn't have anywhere and it was late and I didn't know where a 24 hour Motel was"

"It's ok pet you're safe here. You can stay here as long as you need. You're always welcome."

Spike looked down at the blonde witch as she looked up at him. She really was gorgeous. He'd always been fond of Tara. She was the only one who didn't judge him on face value. She treated him like a person as opposed to everyone else who just treated him as an "it". He looked down into her eyes and saw her in a way he'd never seen her before. He saw her as precious. She was a goddess and she was too shy to ever see it let alone believe it and Willow had messed things up with her so badly. Without even realising it he bent his head and kissed her softly and slowly and to his surprise she kissed him back. Then he stopped. _This is wrong, she's vulnerable. Not right to treat her like this_.

"Get some sleep Wicca. You can have the bed. I'll just be upstairs if you want anything"

"Spike"

"Get some sleep Tara. We'll talk tomorrow ok"

"Ok. Goodnight."

"G'night Pet"

"and Spike"

"Yea"

"Thanks. F-For everything"

"'s Fine luv. Jst get some sleep ok"

As he disappeared up the ladder Tara drank the rest of her tea and put the cup on the floor at the foot of the bed. What had just happened? She'd always been friendly with Spike and she knew there was an attraction there on her part but she didn't think he reciprocated her feelings. I mean this is Spike the "big bad" rock star type. He doesn't go for shy girls like her. Does he? She lay down on the bed and thought about the situation but all she could think of was how much she'd enjoyed the pleasant coolness of his lips and the soft touch of his hand. With these thoughts in mind she lay down and slept smiling.


	2. Declaration

_Author: dsmith141  
__Title: In Search of Happiness  
__Story Rating: 18/R/M  
__Chapter Rating: 15/R(language)/M (depending on which rating system you're using)  
__Summary: A few of my favourite characters desperately trying to find love. Set after Tabula Rasa. Tara doesn't die. __thoughts in italics so it doesn't get confusing  
_Pairings: Spike/Tara  
Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns everything and I own nothing except my pathetic little fantasies of spike drools

Chapter 2

Tara opened her eyes in what had at first felt like a familiar setting. She lay in the double bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes and rolled over to gaze at her lover lying beside her to find the bed empty. Then she remembered the previous night. She had actually done it. She'd left Willow. Then she remembered the scene before she fell asleep. What she'd felt when he'd kissed her. The cool touch of his hands against her cheek, his lips brushing softly against hers. She'd practically melted into his arms.

She climbed the ladders to see if her clothes had dried and there he was. Lying atop his sarcophagus. He looked so peaceful lying there covered with only, as far as she could make out, his duster. She stood for a minute in awe of the beauty before her until she came to her senses and found her clothes, dry, draped over what looked like a bed frame. She gathered them up in her arms and retreated downstairs to change. He'd felt her there. Staring at his naked torso. Hearing her heartbeat jump as she saw him. He was almost sure of her feelings. He saw that precious, shy, divine beauty in her eyes last night and knew that he wanted to make her his. He wanted to comfort her and love her and treat her with the devotion she deserved. _red didn't know how lucky she was. I'm not gonna make that mistake_. He pulled on a pair of underwear and jeans and stalked his way to the kettle and flicked the switch.

"Spike"

"yea pet, sleep well?"

"y-yes thank you. I-I wanted to talk to you. About last night"

"what about it pet."

"T-The kiss"

"Oh" His heart sank. He'd been wrong. She didn't feel the same. He'd misread the signs and now she was going to leave. It must've shown on his face because she hurriedly added.

"Its ok. I-I just wanted to know if you meant it."

"yea of course I did. I love you. Always have. You're the only one outta the whole lot who treats me like a man."

"even when.."

"yea even with Buffy in the picture I still couldn't get you out of my head"

"oh" There was a dead silence between the two of them that was sharply broken by the scream of the kettle.

"Do you, er, you wanna cuppa pet?"

"Y-yes please"

He walked over to the kettle and started pouring her tea into a mug. He felt her walking closer to him and then felt her hand on his arm. He set the cup down on the sarcophagus and turned. Tara ran her hand up his bare arm and around to the back of his neck and pulled him into another kiss. For a second Spike didn't know what he was doing then he reacted and put his hands on her hips and slowly dragged her closer to him as he deepened the kiss. Soon they were over come by a fit of raw passion as their tongues battled for dominance. Spike pushed her backwards onto the couch and climbed on top of her. Pouncing on her once more kissing her furiously claiming her mouth with his own. He ran his hand up her leg and then under her skirt up to the top of her thigh. She broke away and gasped.

"Spike stop"

"What is it pet?"

"Not yet."

"Ok luv."

"Thanks" Then she remembered why she had came upstairs. "do you have any food? I-I don't know whether or not you.."

"Probably got some of Dawns snacks or somethin' but nothing proper. If your planning on stayin' we're gonna have to stock up"

"as long as you don't mind"

"don't mind at all pet" he kissed her forehead and got up off her. "I'll just put on a shirt and we'll go. Its cloudy out so there should be enough shade"

--

Willow walked through the automatic doors of the wal-mart. She couldn't believe that she was gone. She'd left her. She'd spent the majority of the past 2 days crying but now it was time for action. Comfort food was required and the house was completely out of chocolate-y goodness. She walked down the aisle with the cookies and picked out a bag. Well at least it was just a break. Tara hadn't left for good. Had she? She hoped not but she wasn't entirely sure. Then she saw something that made her chest tighten. She looked up from the shelf and at the end of the aisle was Tara. With Spike. And with the hand holding and the laughing. Her heart sank. It felt like her heart was being ripped out and thrown to the four winds right before her eyes. She almost broke down there and then but she was strong. She went to the counter, paid for the cookies and ran back to the Summers' house.

As soon as she reached home she closed the door and gave way to the torrent of tears that had been threatening to fall from her face since she saw them. She collapsed where she was and cried like the world was ending. Buffy found her by the door with the discarded bag of groceries lying beside her.

"Will, what's wrong"

"I-It's Tara"

"What's happened Will"

"I Thought it was just-just a break, you know to give-give her some space"

"Still missing something here Will"

"I saw her with S-Spike"

"Well that doesn't necessarily mean, Wait a minute did you just say Spike, as in evil-dead , bad-dye-job Spike?"

"mmhm and-and with the hand holding and the l-laughing."

"Wait Spike and Tara? But Tara's gay. And with Spike? He's so not her type. Are you sure you didn't just get the wrong idea."

"I-I don't think so. I'm pretty sure"

"Ok you need ice cream and comfort food. Will you be ok for a little while?"

"I-I think so."

"Ok I'll be back to check up on you later"

"Ok I'll see you later"

What was Tara doing with Spike. Spike loved her and anyway Tara was way too good for him. Buffy needed to find out what was going on.

--

Buffy made her way across own to the cemetery. She rarely went there during daylight. It was a lot less sinister in the sunlight. She came to Spike's crypt and kicked open the door. Spike was sitting on the couch watching TV and whipped his head round as soon as he heard the bang as the door hit the wall.

"You know in civilised society people knock. Might wanna try it next time. The door'll appreciate it."

"Don't get cute. What's happening with you and Tara?"

"What's it to you?"

"the fact that Willow is crying like her mother died on my couch"

"Well we're kinda together if you must know. Girl deserves to be treat right for once. First her family, then what Red did, deserves a non-abusive relationship"

"Willow loved her"

"Yea well invading her mind's a good way to show it doncha think"

"That doesn't beat the fact that she's way too good for you"

Tara heard the shouting in the upper level of the crypt and climbed the ladder to see what was going on.

"She deserves better than you. You're a soulless evil thing. How do you expect to be able to love anyone"

Tara was shocked to see Buffy reacting like this and to her surprise she found herself getting angry.

"But he was good enough for you? You're such a hypocrite. He can be you're little fuck toy but he can't be involved in a relationship with someone who appreciates him? You don't deserve him and you're just jealous that you don't have him following you around drooling at every corner any more."

Buffy and Spike stood there in shock, and in Spike's case awe, at the reaction the blonde witch had taken.

"Tara you can't honestly tell me that you enjoy being with this-this thing"

"Oh no Tara can't be with the vamp but when Buffy wants to she can fuck him and treat him like trash. And need I mention Angel."

"That was different Angel-"

"Oh yes of course Angel's precious soul, would that be the one that he lost after you fucked him?"

"Tara listen-"

"No Buffy. you listen. He deserves someone who's going to love him and not just treat him like a sex puppet which puts you greatly out of the picture so how about you just get the hell out of here before I blow you out through a wall"

"Tara-"

"Now!"

Buffy saw Tara's eyes flash white and she could feel the magic crackling in the air around her. She turned and ran from the crypt. She'd never seen Tara act like that. She'd always been the quiet one. She may not approve but she saw the underlying motives in her eyes when she was defending Spike. She saw the love in her eyes when Spike looked at her. She knew there wasn't anything she could do about this.

When Buffy had ran from the crypt Tara had closed the door and collapsed onto the couch fuming. Spike took a careful step towards her.

"You alright, pet?"

"Yea I'm just pissed at how much of a hypocrite she is"

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Which part?"

"The part about you appreciating me and loving me for something other than a 'sex puppet'?"

"Yes"

Spike smiled. _She really is perfect_. He sat on the couch next to her and she cuddled up to his chest as he stroked her hair fondly.

"I love you pet."

"I love you too."

She looked up at him and he bent his head to kiss her. This time she leapt up to meet him. Passionately claiming him as hers. He wrapped his hands around her back, ran them down to the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up over her head, breaking the kiss only to get the shirt out of the way. Tara was busying herself with the buttons on the front of his shirt and threw it across the room before allowing her hands to roam all over his bare, muscular chest and back. The two of them were intertwining themselves more and more with every second of the kiss with their hands roving all over the other with their clothes lying discarded on the floor.

--

While this had been happening Xander had gone to the Summers house to take Dawn home from school. He walked into the hallway and saw Willow curled up on the couch with a tub of ice cream.

"Will, what's up?"

"Tara. She's with Spike"

"You sure?" he said looking concerned.

"Yea."

"Stupid evil dead. You want me to dust him?" He looked much angrier than he sounded.

"Usually I'd say yes but they seemed happy when I saw them earlier."

As the words came out of her mouth it became obvious that she really wasn't comfortable with this. Her words were thick with sorrow and regret and her eyes seemed to brim with tears.

"You sure."

A frown was still spread across Xander's face at the thought of Spike hurting his Willow like this. Who could hurt something so precious. And how could she be so passive about the whole situation? Did she think she deserved what had happened?

"yea it'll be ok."

A brave smile spread across her face. The face of Xander's brave little toaster but this time without the beer.

"You wanna come Bronzing tonight? Take you're mind off things?"

He was trying to change the subject now, that much was obvious, But the frown was gone which was always a good thing."No I'm good"

"No I insist. Now is the time for beer and fun. I'll meet you there at 7"

"Xander-"

"7 o clock Will. I won't take no for an answer"

"Ok I'll see you there"

--

Buffy returned home shortly after 6. After leaving Spike's she'd gone for a walk. That was until she came to the magic box and decided to train to take her mind off things after telling Anya what had happened. She came through the door to see Willow walking across the landing dolled up ready to go out.

"wow Will what's the occasion?"

"I'm meeting Xander at the Bronze. He wanted me to go. To take my mind off things"

"Oh ok. What about Dawn. I've gotta patrol."

"Oh no, Dawnie. I'll stay here it's ok I'll call Xander an tell him."

"No it's ok I'll just call a babysitter"

"I don't need a babysitter" Dawn had walked down the stairs as soon as she'd heard her name. She was sick of everyone treating her like a child. "Why don't I just go with Willow?"

"World of no. I don't want you going out to clubs just yet miss 'I'm-still-15"

"you were out at my age until 3am, right Willow"

"whoa not involved. See me, here, sitting on the proverbial fence"

"Willow please"

Willow sighed. She could see Dawn's point. She did deserve to be able to go out every once in a while. "I don't mind taking you if it's ok with Buffy. But only if. If she says no then it's babysitter-ville for you."

"Buffy Please"

Buffy sighed. There was no way she could refuse now and ever be allowed to forget it.

"Ok but back by 11. And nothing skanky"

"Back-by-11-skank-free night. Check"

With a mock salute Dawn bolted up the stairs and picked out an outfit she'd had planned for an occasion like this. She was dressed and ready in fifteen minutes much to the surprise of Willow and Buffy.

"Ok I'm ready. Are we set?"

Willow smiled at Buffy and the two of them left the house.

--

Xander was waiting for them at the Bronze when they arrived. They walked straight across the room to the bar. They turned to walk to their usual couch but found it occupied by Spike and Tara engulfed in their own conversation. Sensing possible trouble, Xander led Willow and Dawn to a table on the opposite side of the stairs. He'd heard about what had happened between Buffy and Tara from Anya and wanted to get Tara's side of this whole story. He spotted his opportunity when Spike got up to go to the bathroom.

"Hey I'll be back in a minute I've gotta go hunt for…peanuts" he got up and walked away.

He walked around the stairs and took a seat next to Tara.

"Hey Tara" He smiled at the witch. She may be with Spike but she was still his friend.

"Hey Xander w-what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you. I heard about what happened between you and Buffy this afternoon"

"and…"

"I just wanted to hear your side of it that's all"

"Well she came into Spike's crypt, KICKS the door open and starts yelling at him because Willow saw us together in the supermarket, saying he's not good enough to be with anyone even though she's been fucking him for the past god knows how long. So I just snapped. She was being completely unreasonable" Tara took a drink of her beer and waited for Xander's reply.

"She's been doing Spike? O-k not a good image. So not what I wanted to see. So you're with Spike now?"

"Yea. He's been really nice to me. He found me the other night after I'd left willow and he took care of me."

"That sounds really like him" Xander rolled his eyes and sarcasm dripped from every word.

"Not you too" Tara sighs "well it doesn't make a difference. He's been really nice to me and he loves me and I don't care what anyone says"

"But what about Willow. I thought you two were happy. You guys were great together. A match made in heaven in my book."

Xander looked hopeful that his input may have made a difference but he could see it hadn't as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

"I just can't trust her Xander. I don't know which of my memories are real any more. Or how many of them she's stolen. I just don't want to live my life thinking about whether or not something is missing."

"Ok. I'm not happy about it but if he makes you happy then I suppose I can deal. Is it ok if I silently glare from a distance" Xander made a mock glare face and scrunched his eyes up really tight to prove his point.

Tara laughed. She liked Xander. He was obviously loyal and a very laid back guy.

"yea you can glare all you like"

"thank you"

Spike walked up behind Xander and looked at Tara giggling and he smiled. Sometimes the whelp was alright. Even if he was a pain in the arse most of the time.

"Ok Harris time for you to shift now."

"Hey evil dead. Bite me. Oh yea I forgot" he said slapping his head in mock surprise "Chip" he smiled at Tara and walked off back to his table.

Spike snarled and took the now vacant seat. "so what did bob the builder want?"

"He was just asking me what happened with Buffy this afternoon."

"Oh so you told him about us?"

"yea. He's ok with it. But you have to watch out for comical glaring" she giggled at her inside joke but didn't indulge Spike.

"So what you wanna do now?"

"I'm tired. lets go back to the crypt." She added with a hint of wickedness in her eyes and a suggestive little bite of her bottom lip.

"Fine by me pet" He smirked at the thought. The two got up, set their cups down on the table and walked off into the night with Spike's arm around her.


	3. Realisation

_Author: dsmith141  
__Title: In Search of Happiness  
__Rating: 18/R/M (depending on which country you__'__re in)  
__Summary: A few of my favourite characters desperately trying to find love. Set after Tabula Rasa. Tara doesn__'__t die.  
__Pairings: Spike/Tara, Willow/Tara  
__Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns everything and I own nothing except my pathetic little fantasies of Spike drools  
_

**_A/N ESSENTIAL: ARGH THE PLOT BUNNIES ARE RAMPAGING!! YOU LEAVE THAT LLAMA ALONE MR RABBIT. Seriously though folks this is important-ish to the storyline. The sequence of events from Tabula Rasa to Seeing Red are sped up a little in this fic. Xander and Anya do actually get married. There's nothing going on in between part from Buffy foiling the Trio's big plan of much robbery. Tara and Spike have been together about two weeks by the time this takes place. __Spike doesn't try and rape Buffy. Underlined writing is background noise/speech. WARNING CHARACTER DEATH. That's it from me. Let the show begin._**

Chapter 3

They'd taken to doing it together. She was getting much better, very handy with a stake. Not at all the timid girl she used to be. She was still shy but now she could hold her own against the Demons. They'd taken to going out for walks in the moonlight. It started off as a romantic gesture but then she took a liking to fighting the Demons. She realised she actually enjoyed the feeling of killing these things. The thought that she was saving the streets one demon at a time brought a smile to her face. She liked watching him fight too. Her knight in leather armour. He was a natural. Tonight they were ambushed but a group of 5 vampires. A family of fledglings. Newly risen. She usually only took one of a group like this but tonight she was in the zone. Spike dusted the father of the family and stood back and watched as his white goddess flourished. She dusted one after another and after killing 4 of them she was sweating slightly with a smile spread across her face, terribly proud of her achievement.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you look when you do that"

"No. How about you tell me"

"Words just don't describe it pet."

She smiled at this. She enjoyed the way he made her feel. He made her feel sexy.

"Well how about we go home and you show me" a wicked little smile crept across her face.

"What if I can't wait that long pet? What if I just wanna take you right now?" He advanced towards her and grabbed her by the hips pulling him into his body. She gasped slightly and then reached up and claimed his mouth with hers. She broke the kiss and giggled, running back off towards the crypt. Spike followed her at a walk. He loved it when she was in this mood. She was so confident in herself and it made him happy to see this once stuttering, shy girl come out of her shell.

"You know I could catch you easily pet. No point in running."

"Well how about you prove it"

In a quicker time than it would have taken her to blink he was behind her. Spinning her into his rough kiss. He pushed her up against the wall of the crypt and started kissing her hard and biting her bottom lip. He pushed her inside and kicked the door shut behind him. She ran at him and wrapped her arms round his neck. Pulling his hair into her so that she could kiss him. She wanted to absorb him, Have every part of their bodies touching. Spike broke the kiss and lifted her on top of the sarcophagus. He swept the empty whiskey bottles off the top of it and lay her down. She pulled off his shirt and pulled him up on top of her so she could kiss him some more. She loved to taste him. The taste of cigarettes, whiskey and blood still lingered on his tongue and was surprisingly pleasant. The feel of his tongue against hers between those cool lips sent shivers down her spine. She needed to get out of her clothes. She was burning up. She needed that cool skin, the touch of his hands, against her. She ripped her blouse open throwing it across the room. Spike took this as his cue. He led a trail of kisses down her neck and collarbone down to her breasts. He nipped her slightly with his teeth as he went but never enough to hurt in an unpleasant way. He sat her up and wrapped his hands around her, unclasping her bra and discarding it. She needed him to hurry up and arched her back up to his mouth to try and speed along the process of feeling his tongue against her nipples. She reached down to the waistband of his jeans, undid the button and slid them off with her feet, taking his underwear with them. She pulled his head back up to her face and she kissed him ravenously, immediately dominating his mouth with her tongue. Spike ran his hands down her sides to her hips, unzipped her skirt and pushed it off. He hooked a finger around her panties and dipped it into her wetness and proceeded to plunge two of his fingers into her opening pumping them slowly at first and then progressively faster as she clenched her muscles around them and her breathing got heavier. She was right on the brink of coming. She arched her back begging him to let her. He stopped and started to circle her opening with the tips of his fingers.

"Please Spike."

He smirked with a familiar evil glint in his eyes "Not yet pet. Not yet."

He kissed down her torso and then down her leg, bypassing her sensitive area. He kissed back up the inside of her thigh and started to tease her folds with his tongue. She arched her back. She was becoming impatient. She grabbed hold of his hair and pulled his face further into her pussy. Intertwining her fingers in his blonde curls and holding his head in place. He took the hint and gave her what she wanted with a smile tweaking at the sides of his mouth. He lapped hungrily at her juices alternating between tracing shapes on her clit and fucking her opening with his tongue. She cried out with her orgasm with him lapping gratefully at her release. She pulled his head back up to her face to kiss him again. She could taste her juices on his mouth. She wrapped her legs around his waste pulling him into her. He glided effortlessly into her wet opening and thrust harder and harder into her making her scream louder with every stroke, causing her to come repeatedly, scraping her nails along his back almost drawing blood. This was the last straw. Spike's release came, moaning her name as she came screaming his and they lay side-by-side atop the sarcophagus completely spent.

--

Dawn looked out of the window to see Xander walk around the side of the house. He'd been a bit off ever since he'd been to talk to Tara that night at the Bronze. His story of wanting peanuts hadn't washed with her or Willow, especially after they saw him sit next to Tara but they didn't question him when he came back even though he forgot the peanuts. Willow seemed to have perked up a little since then. The beer had certainly helped. But this morning she'd seemed back to being miserable. Dawn decided she needed someone to talk to so she made her way along the hallway. Sure enough when she knocked on the door and opened it she saw Willow sitting against the wall clinging to Mr Gordo (Buffy had given him to her on a strictly temporary basis for comfort until she felt better). Dawn got the feeling, however, that she was no longer mulling over her own problems. The windows were open and she heard yelling coming from the back yard.

"I DON'T CARE IF TARA'S WITH HIM NOW. AT LEAST SHE TOLD US. YOU JUST WENT OUT AND FUCKED HIM. IF IT HAD JUST BEEN A ONE TIME THING IT MIGHT'VE BEEN OK BUT YOU KEPT GOING BACK. I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY TARA'S WITH HIM, SHE TOLD ME, BUT WHY DID YOU DO IT BUFFY?! I MEAN ITS SPIKE FOR GOD'S SAKE. HE'S DEAD. HE'S EVIL, HELLO, VAMPIRE, EVIL. YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS YOU FIGHT."

"I NEEDED TO FEEL SOMETHING OK. I COULDN'T COME TO ANY OF YOU BECAUSE IT WAS YOUR DAMN FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE AND DAWNIE'S FAR TOO YOUNG TO BE MADE TO DEAL WITH THESE THINGS"

"YOU COULD'VE CAME AND TALKED TO US. IF IT'S OUR FAULT COME SAY SOMETHING SO WE CAN MAKE IT BETTER BUT YOU JUST GO OUT AND BANG THE FIRST BODY YOU CAN FIND? YOU MAKE ME SICK. I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW."

"Xander. Xander come back. XANDER-"

Dawn was shocked. She stood there with her mouth open. She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. Buffy hated Spike. Then she saw Willow cringing in the corner. She could tell that she was having the same reaction as Xander but on the inside. She was still coming to terms with Tara leaving and her being with Spike but now she had to deal with the fact that Buffy was still blaming them and that she'd been doing the dirty with Spike as well.

"Willow. Willow"

"Oh hi Dawnie."

"Will. Are you ok? I came to see how you were and-"

She shuddered at the memory of what she'd just heard.

"I-I didn't know about S-Spike and Tara. How long has that been going on."

"Just since we broke up. He took her in apparently and there-there was a connection apparently. I heard her telling Xander that night"

"Oh."

Dawn stood there. She could hear Buffy sobbing slightly outside. Xander had always been one of her best fiends.

"Will do you wanna come shopping or-or get a snack or something. Just to, you know, get outta the house."

You think you could just do that to me.

"Yea sure I'll be out in a minute" You think I'd let you get AWAY with that.

Willow stood up and walked over to the end of the bed and picked up her coat, draping it around her shoulders. Dawn stood there watching. She'd heard the voices outside but didn't know who's they were. Think again Time stopped. She couldn't believe what was happening. She heard gunshots from outside and then Willow was slumped over the bed unconscious. Dawn screamed and heard Xander shouting outside. She rushed over to the edge of the bed and checked Willow's pulse. It was weak but it was there. All she could hear from outside was sirens and Xander repeatedly apologising to Buffy. She must've been hit too. She couldn't worry about that now though, she had to worry about getting Willow to hospital. She rushed over to the phone and dialled 911 for an ambulance and waited for the paramedics.

--

Xander, Anya and Dawn were at the hospital looking through into the room beyond. A white box, untainted with anything. Tubes and monitors and machines all over the place. Doctors and nurses running around, weaving between each other trying to work quickly. One of them had electrical pads. He shocked an unseen patient. And again. And again. Dawn saw the surgeon shake his head and look at his watch and note something down on a chart. They covered the patient's head with a blanket and tried to assist the other girl. Then she was being wheeled out. They saw wisp of Blonde from under the blanket and then saw the dead girl followed out by Willow who was being taken safely to a care room for observation.

She screamed. Her sister was gone and this time she wasn't coming back. She wouldn't let them bring her back. Not again. She ran. Out of the huge doors. Xander tried to stop her but he was too dumbstruck. She ran as fast as her legs would go. She had a stitch in her side but she didn't care. Her sister was gone and she ran to the only other who seemed like family. The only one who treated her as an adult. She crashed through the door of the crypt and ignored the fact that he was standing there naked. She grabbed him round the waist and sobbed into his chest. The coolness of his skin was soothing. Tara broke Dawn's grip on Spike. She calmed her down and made her tell her what happened. Dawn couldn't hear anything properly. All she knew in the world was what she was seeing and she wasn't completely sure about that. All she knew was that the once naked couple were fully dressed and out the door with her within a minutes of her leaving go. They raced out to the DeSoto and Spike raced them across town. His ex lover, his nemesis, his opposite. She was dead. No matter how many times he said it, deep down, he still loved her and he knew Tara felt the same about Willow. They tore into the Hospital car park and then they ran through the waiting room, ignoring all cries from the orderlies.

Tara blazed through the halls with determination in her eyes. She was going to find out what had happened and no one was going to stop her from reaching her friend. She may have been pissed at Willow but she knew now, because of this tragedy, that she couldn't live without her. She loved Spike, of course she did, but Willow was her missing piece. They went together. They were made for each other and right now all she wanted to do was be by this girls side. She would have to sort things out with Spike but those things could wait. She had more pressing matters on her mind. She rounded the corner and saw the porters wheeling Willow into a private room. She immediately interrogated the doctor about how she was doing and her chances and then she was at her bedside. Spike had been hauled off with Dawn to identify Buffy's body for legal purposes and Xander and Anya were outside the room looking in. Anya looked stunned. Xander was clearly going to be blaming himself for this for god knows how long.

Willow came to the next morning. She'd lost a lot of blood and had a concussion from hitting her head on the bed post but now she was awake. Her eyes lit up. Sitting there was the only person she'd ever want to see again. Tara hadn't left her side since getting to the hospital and as soon as she woke up tears of joy poured down her face. Everyone else heard the noise and was looking in through the window.

"T-Tara" Her voice was weak. All she wanted to do was apologise She wanted to make things right between them. She wanted her witch back.

"Shh Will It's ok I'm here" She kissed her head. Then her mouth. Spike looked on. Dawn looked up at Spike and saw his face drop. He loved Tara. Dawn knew he would let her go back to Willow, he wanted her to be happy, but she didn't want to see him hurt. His expression was full of despair and had he been a little less controlled tears would've been pouring down his cheeks He hadn't fed for days. Buffy's death had hit him hard and now there was the probability of Tara going back to Willow. She had to make him feed.

"Spike"

"Yea bit"

"Will you come for a walk with me? I wanna get a Soda"

"Yea ok"

They walked off down the corridor. Tara looked out through the window and saw a twitch of black leather as they left and she knew she'd hurt him. She knew they would have to talk. She was going to talk to him while Willow was unconscious but she hadn't left her side and he'd been too busy looking after Dawn.

"Where are we goin' bit? Soda machine's that way."

"I know but there's one this way too. There's one you'll like too."

"Sorry bit. Vampire here. Not one for drinkin bloody Pepsi."

"I know"

They turned another corner and Spike saw where she'd brought him.

"Nibblet"

"Take a bag and drink it. Spike you look awful. You have to feed sometime"

"Thanks for the compliment pet"

He picked up a bag with O positive marked on the front.

"It's not right though. Can't go stealing blood from the sodding red cross"

"It's for the needy and trust me, you definitely need it"

He wasn't going to argue with her. The second he'd touched the bag he'd been in game face. He plunged his teeth into it and drank deeply. He'd never known anything taste this sweet in his whole unlife and life combined. He picked up and drained another and pocketed another 3 'for the road' and the two walked back down the corridor, marginally happier.

--

The next day when Willow was having lunch Tara slipped out into the waiting room. Xander and Anya had gone home but Tara had made Dawn stay with her and Willow. Spike had gone as far as she knew.

"Dawnie have you seen Spike?"

"Not since yesterday."

"Ok. Dawnie I need you to go and stay in there with Willow"

"Are you going to break up with him."

"I think so Dawn. I do love him. I do. So much but not the same way I love Willow. We belong together where Spike and I-" She trailed off. She didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"But you guys were so happy. You made him happy"

"I know Dawn. I've gotta go talk to him. You stay with Willow ok?"

"Ok."

"Thanks I won't be gone long"

--

She pulled up outside the cemetery and walked over to the crypt. She knocked and waited. She'd noticed how no one else seemed to. Spike opened the door and let her in.

"Sensed you from downstairs. Come to dump me?"

"I'm sorry Spike. I-I do love you but when I heard about Willow and I saw her there I just knew. Do you understand"

"Yea I do. I know what you mean. Even after all she did to you still wanna take her back because no matter what she ever does to you she'll always be perfect. I know the feeling. Had it with Dru. It's ok pet. I mean it'll hurt but I'll get over it. I just want you to be happy. I love you Tara."

"I know. I'm sorry. I have to go. Dawn."

"Ok. Tell the Nibblet I say hi and tell Red to get well soon ok"

His words would have been reassuring to her had it not been for the look on his face. His eyes were filled with tears and sorrow and pain and each word dripped with sadness no matter how happy their meaning. Tara left the crypt, closing the door behind her.

--

Dawn walked out of school at lunchtime. She didn't want to go back but Willow assured her that she should try and get back into the swing of things. Try to get back to normal life. She could tell Willow was just as upset about Buffy's death as she was but she put on a brave face. She hadn't seen Spike in days. She worried about him so she cut her afternoon of school and went to the high street. She knew the back of the high street better than she knew the front and it took her less than a minute to find the door of the butchers, steal a couple of bags of Pigs blood and get out without anyone seeing her. She walked to the cemetery. She was still upset and she missed her sister terribly. She opened the door of the crypt and walked in to find Spike sitting in front of the TV. He looked worse than he had in the hospital. His hair was dreadful and he was even paler than usual and was looking more like the corpse he should've been rather than the vampire he was.

"Spike"

"Nibblet shouldn't you be in school"

"I was but I didn't want to. It's too soon Spike"

"Ok bit."

He held her close to him

"and I come bearing gifts" She hook the two bags of animal blood in front of his face "got em fresh from the butchers on my way over"

"You're bringing me food now bit? I could get used to this" A small smile crept across his face. She looked after him. She really loved him and he could see it in her eyes. She really was a treasure.

"Well don't get too used to it. Besides if you wasted away who would I have to bug when I'd fallen out with Bu-" Then she remembered. She collapsed onto the couch and burst into tears. "oh god." She clung onto Spike burying her tear streaked face into his chest. "She's really gone isn't she". She looked up at him without breaking her hold.

"Yea. She is. But you'll get through it. You did last time. It just takes time is all" he kissed her forehead and held her close to his chest stroking her hair till she cried herself out and slept in his arms.


	4. Delerium

Author: dsmith141  
Title: In Search of Happiness  
Chapter Rating: 18/R/M (for language and graphic scenes of violence)  
Story Rating: 18/R/M (depending on which country you're in)  
Summary: A few of my favourite characters desperately trying to find love. Set after Tabula Rasa. Tara doesn't die.  
Pairings: Willow/Tara  
Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns everything and I own nothing except my pathetic little fantasies of Spike drools  
A/N: AGAIN THIS IS IMPORTANT. It's been about 2 weeks since Buffy's death and the gang have been looking for Warren since Willow got out of the hospital without using magic. Giles came over for Buffy's funeral and is hanging around to help with the hunt.

Chapter 4

A knock on the door woke Dawn from her sleep. She must've fallen asleep in front of the TV again. She clicked the remote to turn it off and stumbled to the door. Opening the door groggily with a groan she found Xander and Anya standing there with Giles. She let them in and called for Willow and Tara. The arrival of these three meant only one thing. Another Scooby meeting to discuss how badly they were doing finding Warren. Anya was obviously annoyed by the whole situation. She knew that Willow could find him in a heartbeat if she wanted but everyone was taking her side on the whole cold turkey issue. The redhead appeared at the top of the stairs closely followed by her lover.

"Hey guys. I don't suppose you've found anything in the past 9 hours?" She added a hopeful little smile to the end of the sentence only to be met by an array of disappointed shaking heads. "thought not".

"M-maybe it's time to try Anya's idea. I mean a locator spell could find him easily."

"Tara it's imperative that we stand by Willow in her attempts to beat her addiction."

"I-I didn't mean Willow. I mean could y-you do it? I mean if I helped I think we might be able to make it work"

"She has a point g-man"

Giles removed his glasses and proceeded to clean them "Well I suppose we could try. I mean if we have the resources at out disposal I don't see why we couldn't make it work. Is the spell in any of the books?" He looked hopefully at the dusty volumes on the shelf in the corner. He found a strange comfort in books.

"I think it's in that one" Tara walked over to the shelf and picked out a volume and sped through it until she found what she needed. "Here we-we just need these herbs and some rope to make the square"

"Well in that case I think we should go to the magic box and get the ingredients"

"Hey you could do the spell outside the magic box. It would be good advertising" Anya looked very proud of herself in realising this marketing technique while the others just silently shook their heads in acknowledgement of Anya's way of using anything to make money.

--

The gang was gathered at the magic shop. With Anya's help they'd managed to gather together the required ingredients and after half an hour of pleading they'd allowed Dawn to stay with them instead of sending her away to be babysat by Xander. She was sick of it. She liked Xander, used to have a crush on him, but she was sick of being treated like a child. Every time something happened she was pushed out of the way. No one cared about her opinion, even when they were out of ideas and she was making sense. She was older than they were when they started patrolling with Buffy and she was still wrapped up and kept in the dark.

Tara and Giles sat on the floor in the middle of the Magic box. Surrounded by a circle of salt. Tara sat in the centre with Giles at the opposite side of the rope square.

"Ok. As you probably know the square is Sunnydale and it's like a map. We both take different parts of the potion we just made and then after the incantation we blow the herbs into the square at the same time."

Willows eyes opened widely in surprise, "isn't that the spell we tried to do to find Adam?"

"It's similar but the ingredients of the potion and the herbs are different and the incantation's been tweaked a little so instead of just lighting up demonic energy it finds the specific person you're looking for"

"Are you sure this is safe? I mean you're changing the spell completely."

"No It's in the book a few pages on from the demon energy spell."

"Oh. Good." Willow smiled satisfied with the answer she received.

"So are you ready?"

Giles removed his glasses and proceeded to clean them "I suppose if everything is in place then we should perform the spell as soon as possible"

"Well lets do it" The two of them tipped the vials of potion down their throats simultaneously and swallowed with the same disgusted grimace crossing their faces. They closed their eyes and Tara began the incantation:

_Thespia, we walk in shadow, walk in blindness.  
__You are the protector of the night.  
__Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you, open a window and let in the light. Guide our vengeance to the one we seek.  
__With your knowledge may we go in safety. With your Grace may we avenge our loss._

Tara and Giles both blew their powder over the rope square and there was a blinding flash which left behind a dull green haze over the rope square which slowly became more concentrated until it was a vivid green spark.

"That looks like it's over where the industrial district should be. Xander pass me that map." Xander passed Tara a map of Sunnydale the same size as the rope square. She held it above the quadrant on the floor and ringed the area where the spark was lighting. "It's a really derelict area. He could easily be holed up in one of the warehouses"

"Well then I propose a motion of Mount up"

Giles cleaned his glasses yet again "I agree with Xander we should investigate this immediately."

"What about Dawnie?" Willow looked at the teen as she spoke "I don't think it's a good idea to be taking her around a derelict industrial site. Anya could we leave her here? She could help you around the shop. You don't mind do you Dawnie?"

"No it'll be fun. I've wanted a job for a while" She really didn't look upset this time. She usually got upset when they went after something, or in this case someone, and left her under the supervision of someone but she didn't feel like confronting her sisters killer just yet.

"I suppose that's all we needed lets go" Xander stood and was soon followed to the door by Willow, Tara and Giles leaving Anya and Dawn in the Magic Box.

--

In a warehouse just off 67th street Warren was sat in front of his monitors with a bottle of scotch. He was sure they'd find him, or at least do a sweep of the neighbourhood. He knew it was just a matter of time before the Scoobies eventually tracked him down. He took another drink. He hated living like this. Looking over his shoulder every time he went outside. His own personal surveillance on the entire block. He needed to get away but couldn't move in Sunnydale without them finding him. He took another glance at the monitors and saw them rounding the corner at the end of the street. They'd found him. After almost 2 weeks they'd finally found him. He'd planned for this, just as he'd planned for everything. He saw them approach the door to the warehouse and ran to the closet under the stairs leading down into the basement where he was holed up. He hid there, cradling the 9mm automatic that he'd taken and made a part of himself. The crude piece of metal cradled in his hand, waiting for them to find him.

The gang walked into the warehouse. They saw the electricity cable leading down the stairs into the basement and knew in an instant that the king of the nerds couldn't live without electricity. They followed the cable downstairs and found the wall of monitors above a desk and the scotch bottle lying on the desk. Xander took a small swig. "This was only opened recently and by the looks of things he's still using this place as a base."

"Well where is he? Out for groceries?"

"I dunno we'll just have to have a look around see if we can find out if he's got anything planned for the near future." Willow shrugged and started looking through the scattered pieces of paper only to find Klingon crosswords and word searches. "No invoices. Looks like the nerd is just that. A nerd. No details of plans. You guys find anything. Xander?"

Willow turned around to find her three friends being held at gunpoint. Willow glared daggers at Warren. All of the pent up feelings she'd been holding in since her best friends death sprung to life inside her. Her magic's flared but she concealed them, scared that Warren would pull the trigger on her friends.

"Warren"

"Outta the way redhead and no one gets hurt"

"Will. Let him go"

"I'm not gonna let him get away. Not after what he did to Buffy"

"Well with you I must've missed. No Harm in taking a second shot at it" Warren turned the gun on Willow and cocked it. "Now get outta the way".

Tara saw the threat to her lover and ran in front of her to protect her but the movement stirred Warren's reaction and he pulled the trigger. The bullet flew through the air but didn't meet it's mark in Willow but hit Tara in the left side of her stomach. Warren saw her drop, as did the rest of the gang and as they ran to assist Tara he made his move and ran up the stairs and out of the front door of the warehouse.

Willow was crouched behind her lover with Tara's head on her knees and tears streaming down her face. Xander had sprung into action as soon as he saw the bullet meet it's mark. He immediately dialled 911 and then called Anya to tell her what had happened.

**MAGIC BOX**

Dawn was sweeping just outside the door of the training room. Anya had been quick to put her to work as far away from the money as possible without being too offensive. She still kept in mind Dawn's sticky fingers. The phone rang and, eager to please another customer, Anya answered it with her usual happy demeanour.

"Hello Magic Box. We welcome you're money. What can I get you"

"Ahn it's Xander.."

"Xander. Why are you calling? You should be being manly and beating Warren to death"

At the mention of Xander's name Dawn's ears had pricked. She was eager to find out how the Scoobies were faring in the search for her sister's killer and stopped sweeping in an attempt to eavesdrop.

"Ahn he shot Tara. The ambulance is on its way but we've gotta go to the hospital. I'll meet you there, I'm gonna stay with Will."

"Oh my god. We'll see you there." Anya hung up the phone and immediately grabbed her coat. "Dawn stop sweeping, We've gotta go to the hospital. Warren shot Tara"

"What. Oh god" Dawn grabbed her jacket off the table and ran for the door, "I've gotta tell Spike, he needs to know"

"Dawn it's dark outside it's not safe" Anya cried out Dawn's name but to no avail. As soon as she'd put the jacket on her back the teen had been out of the door and running for the cemetery.

--

Dawn raced through the rows of cracked and broken gravestones completely ignoring the gang of fledglings just 10 feet to her left. She burst through the door of the Crypt to see Spike in his usual position, in front of the TV with a mug of warm blood. As soon as the door burst open he looked up and frowned at the exhausted youngster. She usually knocked when she came to see him.

"Nibblet what's the rush?"

Before she could answer she grabbed him round the waist and pulled him into her arms and sobbed into his chest."I-It's Tara. They found Warren and he shot her. She's at the hospital. I-I thought you should know seeing as you were together and everything"

At the news Spike grabbed his duster of the back of the couch and threw it around his shoulders, and ran to the DeSoto. "get in luv and fasten your seatbelt".

He drove like a madman, completely ignoring the brake and almost killing a group of drunk Chirago demons outside the Espresso pump. He tore into the hospital car park and, without actually parking, stopped the car and raced through the doors of the hospital with Dawn struggling to keep up.

The Scoobies were sitting in the waiting room looking anxious and when Spike and Dawn came through the doors Anya went over and grabbed Dawn in a tight embrace. "Never run off like that again. You had us all worried sick"

Spike strode past Anya and Dawn, causing Willow to look up at him, her cheeks stained with tears.

"How bad is it?"

"She's in surgery now. I'm sorry Spike there was nothing I could do" She stood up and threw her arms around his neck, much to his surprise, "It should be me in there"

"Don't be daft red. You've had your own share of misery at that git." The tannoy crackled and a crash trolley was ordered to the ER. At the sound of this announcement the Scoobies ran to the ER to see what was happening. They gazed in through the glass to see Tara lying on the table with wires leading to a variety of machines and to hear the flatline beep resonating through the corridor.

At this sight Spike's eyes welled up and he looked to his side to try and put on a brave face for the witch standing beside him. He looked down at Willow to see her usual red hair replaced by jet black. Even he could feel the magic crackling in the air. Willow stormed into the emergency room ordering the surgeons and hospital staff to leave. She magically extracted the bullet from her lover's side and healed the wound and restarted her heart.

When the gang outside heard the usual beeping sound coming from the machine they sighed in relief but Spike's eyes were on Willow. The super-powerful witch glided from the operation room and down the corridor. Xander saw her floating away and ran after her, closely followed by Spike. He knew where she was going. Warren was nearing the end of his life and he hoped that he got to him before Willow did.

The three left the building without a word and got into Spike's car and, with a little magical help from Willow, they tore out of the car park faster than the car had ever moved in it's existence. It tore through the streets of Sunnydale and up into the hills at the edge of the town.

Willow stopped the car and at this the three got out of the slightly steaming vehicle. Willow floated off into the distance at such a speed that Spike and Xander had to run to keep up with her. Xander saw the glint of a wristwatch and a rapid movement in the trees and immediately tore after it. Willow didn't stray from her path and kept going in her current direction leaving Spike with a choice to make. It was no contest, help the Whelp or the magically super-charged witch? He charged through the trees after Xander, reasoning that Willow could handle herself. He caught up with Xander within minutes and, seeing Warren raced ahead. He didn't care about the pain it would cause him through the chip, He just waned to hear the nerd's screams. He ran and vaulted over roots and fallen trees with Xander panting 30 yards behind him. His bloodlust knew no bounds and all he wanted was to feel his teeth rip into the throat of the man that had shot his two latest lovers.

Warren kept running looking behind every now and again to see the swirl of black leather rapidly approaching behind him. He closed his eyes and magically flitted back and forth from one side of the path to the other in the hope of throwing his pursuers off the scent. He saw a bewildered look in the eyes of the vampire and as he stopped to marvel in the glory of what he'd done the blood driven hunter spotted him again. Spike caught up with, the now very scared looking, Warren and pounced, tackling him and pinning him to the ground and then aiming a punch at his head, causing the skull to smash like a dropped watermelon. Spike climbed off the body to see it change into the half decomposed corpse of a young woman just as Xander caught him.

"O-k what the hell is that?"

"Don't bloody know or care but it sure as hell isn't Warren"

The two turned and dashed back to where they'd lost Willow to hear a shrill male scream pierce the night air and the ran to the spot where it had came from. When they reached the spot they saw what looked like a charred piece of meat strung between two trees and Willow lying on the floor unconscious with blood trickling from her nose. The scent of burning human flesh clung to Spike's nostrils as he entered the clearing and he felt Xander race past him to crouch at the witches side.

"Oi Whelp. Looks like we found Warren."

Xander looked up from Willow's unmoving form to see the remnants of Warren, "Oh my God. Please tell me that wasn't Will."

"Well it wasn't a bloody squirrel"

"Ok I don't care what did it. she needs to get to the hospital. Now."

"Bloody hell we're gonna be on that place's sodding Christmas card list"

Spike ran to the witch and picked her up in his arms and the two ran back to the DeSoto.

A/N: Ok that chapter took a lot longer to write than the others. The plot bunnies were being very unhelpful and writers block claimed me as another victim for most of the past two weeks. I hope this lives up to the standard I think the other three chapters have set. As always R&R. please I could really do with some feedback on this story.


	5. Rest, Relaxation and Relocation

_Author: dsmith141  
__Title: In Search of Happiness  
__Story Rating: 18/R/M (depending on which country you__'__re in)  
__Chapter Rating: 15/T  
__Pairings: Willow/Tara, Spike/Willow  
__Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns all the Buffy characters and I own nothing except my pathetic little fantasies of spike drools and a couple of characters whose names I just picked out of the air to fill the required spaces.  
__Feedback: Yes please. God it's been up for a month and I've had no reviews at all. Not impressed people!.  
A/N: Ok guys im off on holiday so I won't be updating for a week or so so here's 2 chapters before hand. Remember to review :D love yas x_

Chapter 5

She opened her eyes and she was there. She always was. She didn't look well. Still stuck in a wheelchair. Willow opened her eyes and smiled weakly at her lover.

"Hey baby"

"H-hey. How're you feeling?

"Tired. How long was I out"

"About a week. We were scared you weren't gonna wake up. You had us all so worried. I thought I'd never see you again."

"Don't worry baby I'll be fine. I just need to rest is all. Kinda over-exerted myself with the whole vengeance thing"

"Ok. Rest up baby. Giles wants to talk to you when you're discharged."

Tara looked down at her lover. She was scared by the power she sensed in the redhead. She turned in her chair and allowed the orderly to transport her back down the hall to her room, caught in her concerned thoughts of her lover's path of self destruction.

--

2 days later.

Here she was. Back into the routine. Same old story. She walked up to the front door of the house she knew so well. Tara was by her side, with Willow's hand clasped in hers, gripping tightly. Willow had been worrying about this day since she woke up. Worried about the looks she would have to face from her friends after what she did to Warren. She inhaled deeply, closed her eyes and stepped through the door. The noise was inaudible. She didn't know if it was completely silent or deafening. She opened her eyes and saw coloured paper flying at her from all directions. Then she saw the banner. She should've guessed really. The Scoobies never really judged. Even if she had seriously freaked them out they wouldn't judge her permanently. Huge luminous letters stretched out above the stairs reading "Welcome Back Willow" stared down at her with her friends popping out from behind chairs firing party poppers at her and shouting surprise. Their smiles vanished quickly when they saw her bemused look which was a mixture of fear and shock.

"O-k not so much with the happy. Don't worry Will it's a party. No badness. Well except for my dancing"

"Sorry Xander just tired. Wasn't expecting it is all."

"That's why its called a surprise party Will. You want me to get you anything?"

"No I'm ok I think I just need to sit and rest."

Giles looked at the redhead from across the room. He removed his glasses and proceeded to clean them. He needed to talk to her. If she hadn't been knocked out by that last bout with the magics he was scared she wouldn't have came back from it. He needed to help her beat this addiction. He knew that Tara was just as concerned as he was. He'd talked to her at the hospital after Willow had woken up and he'd listened to her voice her concern about the power residing inside her lover.

"Willow I was wondering if I might have a word with you when you're feeling better."

"Oh. I can talk now if you want"

"No I meant I would like to talk to you privately"

Xander immediately caught on to the hint. "Ahn, Dawn, Tara could you help me in the kitchen please". The four left the room and proceeded to go into the kitchen to prepare, or in Xander's case eat, the snacks they were going to leave out for the party.

Giles sat down on the couch beside Willow."How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok. I still feel really drained though."

"Willow I'm very worried about you. If you hadn't been rendered unconscious by your use of magic I don't know how we would've stopped you. You're getting in dangerously deep and you need to stop before you're too far gone. There is a way to help you properly control you're powers, however. There is a convent I know of in Devon. The witches there are witches of earth magic and will be able to teach you to control the magic within you as well as the magic you are using."

"Like a-a rehab trip or something"

"Yes but as well as helping you give up you're use of magic they will teach you to control the magic you aren't using so that it doesn't get out of hand and look for an outlet as it did at the hospital"

"I suppose it-it would be ok. How long would I be away?"

"The process should take about a month. Maybe two."

"What about Tara?"

"I'm afraid that this is a journey you must make alone. Having Tara there could prove to be too large a distraction. I've already discussed the possibility of you making this trip and she agrees with me. You will still be able to contact her of course but her physical presence will cloud your mind during the day when you aren't together."

"Oh. When would I have to leave?"

"Ideally as soon as possible. I think that next week would be appropriate"

"Ok."

"Would you like me to book you're flight for you? I plan to return to England with you. I have a friend in London who can arrange to have us fly for free. He owes me a favour."

"Yes please. Thanks Giles" She lightly hugged the old man. She was a little hard on him sometimes when her use of magic was concerned but she knew that she had to get help if she was going to survive without it.

In the kitchen the rest of the gang were sitting and drinking fruit punch until Giles called them back through. They'd all heard his idea and were on board. They were all scared by Willow when she went all 'black-and-veiny' and this trip could prevent that altogether. Suddenly the back door burst open and in stumbled a smouldering lump of blanket and black leather from which Spike soon emerged after kicking the door closed.

"Spike, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see Dawn if it's all the same to you Harris"

"Hi Spike what's up?"

"Just came to tell you that I won't be around for a couple of days next week so our little Thursday evening hang out will have to be cancelled for this week."

"How come? Where you goin Spike?"

"The Who gig in London."

"You're blowin' me off for a concert?"

"Sorry bit. I tried to get you a ticket too but I couldn't. All sold out. I'll make it up to you."

"You better. I think Willow's going to England too. Some magic rehab thing."

Tara looked up at the mention of Willow's name and smiled slightly at Spike. "We don't know whether she's going yet."

"Giles will be able to talk her into it. He's good at this type of thing"

Giles and Willow appeared in the doorway. Giles was smiling slightly and Willow looked slightly better as well. "Willow and I are going to England next week. I've decided to accompany her to the convent to help her get settled in and ensure that she gets the help she needs"

"Room for a third party, Watcher?"

"Excuse me?"

"Mind if I come with. Gotta get back to London by Thursday night for a gig"

Willow smiled up at the vampire. The thought of more company was pleasing. "Anyone I've heard of?"

"The Who."

Giles was awestruck. "How did you manage to get tickets? They sold out within two hours!"

"I know a guy at the ticket office. Spared his life a few years back so saves a ticket for everyone he thinks I'll wanna see"

Giles glared at him enviously. "Well I suppose I could be able to get a third ticket. No chance of you managing to pick up a spare?" He added hopefully.

"Thanks and sorry, but like you said, sold out within two hours. Try and make it an early flight though. Don't wanna get caught in the sun at the other end."

"I'll see what I can do. I'd hate to have you under a blanket for 7 hours" He smiled at the thought along with Xander and even Tara had to try hard to suppress a small giggle.

"You wouldn't do that to a fellow Brit now would ya?" Spike looked slightly afraid. It was the kind of thing some of the Scoobies would do. He still wasn't especially liked within the group but they didn't close him out, mainly because of his relationship with Dawn.

"Don't tempt me" Giles sighed as he saw Spike reach for his cigarettes. The vampire caught on to the glare and immediately retrieved his hand from his pocket and looked at the floor looking a lot like, in Dawn's opinion, a naughty schoolboy.

"Sorry Watcher."

"Yes, quite. So when should we leave"

Willow sat and thought. "How about Sunday?" cracking a smile at the 'sun' part of the sentence that made Spike cringe slightly. She didn't dislike the vampire, she just enjoyed teasing him.

"Why Sunday?"

"Well it gives us time to pack and prepare and party. The three essential P's of leaving the country"

"I suppose that would be ok"

"Sorry no can do. Already made a promise to the Nibblet. Not gonna break two of those in the space of an afternoon. Could do Tuesday or Wednesday. Preferably Wednesday cause then I don't have to fork out the extra cash for a hotel"

"Is Wednesday ok for you Willow?"

"Yea Wednesday should be fine."

"Ok I'll call James and arrange the flights"

Xander stood up and rubbed his hands together "now that's settled is it officially time to Party?"

"I suppose it is. On one condition"

"What's that?"

"No dancing from you Xander. Unless it's the snoopy dance"

"Willow we discussed this. I'm not doing that in public again. I've worked very hard to regain my dignity again since last time that happened" Xander had been gesturing wildly with his arms while he spoke and then proceeded to open the bottle of Pepsi he'd been holding with a dignified look on his face. It didn't last, however, as the bottle fizzed over and all over his hand and splashed onto the crotch area of his pants. "And now it's gone again. Oh well snoopy dances it is then" He said before taking a drink from the still dripping bottle.

--

Spike boarded the plane as fast as he possibly could. He was at the front of the queue and still looked as though he was going to rip out the hostess' throat. Bloody summer. The sun still hadn't properly risen yet but he was smouldering slightly. The scene in the airport had been just as he thought it would be. Nods from Xander and Anya, a slight hug from Tara and a spine creaking squeeze from Dawn, who in true Summers fashion demanded that he bring her home a gift. She had, however, turned up her nose at his suggestion of bringing her back the heart of Justin Timberlake, torn from his body of course. Then there had been the problem of detaching the two witches. He and Giles had stood there slightly impatiently tapping their feet while they waited for the two women to stop trying to take the others' tonsils as a memento until Willow returned. After about 5 minutes of this Spike finally got fed up so he and Giles had each grabbed on of Willow's arms and hauled her through the gate, causing a moan of pain to erupt from Spike and a moan of longing from Willow as her lovers face disappeared behind the wall.

He finally boarded the plane and, thankfully, the blinds were all drawn shut. He was in seat 32E right in the centre of the plane and right out of the way of the windows, so there was no possibility of him catching fire during the flight. Willow was next to him in 32F and Giles was across the aisle from her in 32G. As the plane took off Spike drifted off. He was used to sleeping all through the day but lately he'd been conforming more and more to daylight hours in order to spend more time with Dawn so he was glad to be able to get a few hours sleep. He awoke a couple of hours later with a huge craving for a cigarette. He removed the packet from his pocket and after drawing many disgruntled glares from his fellow passengers replaced the packet in his pocket. How he hated the smoking ban. He reached forward and proceeded to read each magazine in the seat pocket in front of him thoroughly and when he was finished he settled for fidgeting in his seat to try and get comfortable enough to go to sleep. Willow sat beside him with her book open and giggled at the sight of the vampire squirming in his seat, his leather coat riding up around his head. She unintentionally jabbed him in the side as she moved to get a better view of the show and saw him jump. She'd never have thought Spike to be the ticklish type. She smirked evilly at him as he looked around to scold her and she did it again, causing him to jump again and a slight yelp to escape his lips. Willow giggled again and went tried to make a third assault only to find her finger caught in a cold hand.

"Now we'll have no more of that love. Knowledge like that's best not put into practise"

"Aww but its so much fun. And you looked bored"

"That's because I'm forced to sit in a space the size of a sodding shoebox surrounded by the happy meals on legs. And on top of all that I can't even smoke and there's no liquor anywhere."

"Here's a stewardess. I'm sure I saw whiskey in one of those brochures"

"Hmm yea but that would involve having money pet"

"You get a complimentary drink silly."

Spike's eyes lit up. "Well why didn't you say so." A huge smile graced his eyes as a busty blonde woman bent over the empty space beside him to talk. She was the stereotypical air hostess right down to the bun in her hair and the pencil skirt. Spike was happy to notice that the top button of her shirt had came open which made the outfit very revealing when she bent in his direction.

"Is there anything I do for you sir? Madam?"

"Well I'm sure you could do a lot for me but for now I'll just settle for some Jack Daniels" Spike looked up at her with an evil glint in his eye and the usual swagger apparent in his face.

The blonde blushed slightly. "Anything for you Madam?"

Willow saw the way Spike looked at her and slapped his arm "I'll just have an iced tea please," and then she turned to Spike "unlike someone I know, innuendos aren't my thing."

Spike chuckled lightly at the redhead "not what I've heard pet. You and Glinda can't whisper at the other side of the room without me hearin' it"

Willow turned a shade of scarlet that matched her hair "Oh so you, uh, hear that stuff do you"

"Yea I usually do. When did you get curious about my prowess pet? Considerin' sharing your lady love?" He smirked to himself. They didn't know he heard every word they whispered. He had to bite down on his bottom lip to stop himself saying something when he'd heard Willow ask Tara what it had been like with him in the sultry voice she used when whispering in the blonde's ear. Tara had just giggled and refused to answer which made Spike feel a sudden urge to go and take a cold shower to control the throbbing bulge in his pants. Thoughts had appeared in his head which he knew neither of the witches would appreciate being in there.

Willow turned, if possible, an even deeper shade of red on hearing this. She simply answered "Well a girl's allowed to be curious" and turned back to her book.

Spike saw his opportunity and moved towards the redhead and whispered in her ear in the low tone that he knew turned women to putty "But is it just curiosity love or are you looking for more?" He stood and made his way to the bathroom after this question to allow it's full effect to sink in.

She had moaned quietly at the effect that his voice had on her and found herself thinking of Spike. _Bad Willow! You have Tara now and, with her womanliness, are therefore gay. Mmm Tara…and Spike. ooooo Spike sex. Bad Willow! _She opened her eyes and scowled at herself. The stewardess came back over bearing their drinks just as Spike returned to his seat. As she leant over him to hand Willow her iced tea her hand brushed Spikes crotch and she winked discreetly at him as he smirked at her.

Willow saw it as well and as the stewardess moved onto the rest of the plane she spoke up. "Enjoying yourself now then?"

"Suppose I could be havin a worse time of things"

"Yes and the blonde touching you up is just a bonus that everyone gets with the flight" With this statement Willow made a mock serious face.

"You're just jealous cause the busty blonde isn't with you"

"Hey leave Tara out of this."

"I was talking about the stewardess and now you've managed to get me picturing you're girlfriend naked"

"Hey that's my gig. you go back to you're stewardess Mr"

"Nope she's buggered off. So now its Tara in there. You can join her if you like"

"No thanks. As much as I wanna be with Tara right now I don't wanna be in you're head." Willow saw the way Spike had taken this comment as his eyes flashed at the thought "Especially not in the way you're thinking now"

"Damn. How do you know what I'm thinking"

"I just know how guys minds work. Hello. Best friends with Xander since preschool."

"Ah point taken" He raised his glass and took a drink as he spoke.

At this Willow turned back to her book and Spike finished his Jack Daniels and tried to sleep again.


	6. Rehab and Comfort

_Author: dsmith141  
__Title: In Search of Happiness  
__Story Rating: 18/R/M (depending on which country you__'__re in)  
__Chapter Rating: 18/R/M  
__Pairings: Willow/Tara, Spike/Willow  
__Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns all the Buffy characters and I own nothing except my pathetic little fantasies of spike drools and a couple of characters whose names I just picked out of the air to fill the required spaces. Oh and I don__'__t own The Who, The Rolling Stones or any of their songs and obviously I don__'__t own Jack Daniels inc.  
__Feedback: Yes please. God it__'__s been up for a month and I__'__ve had no reviews at all. Not impressed people!.  
A/N: Ok the second of you're pre holiday chapters. Last chapter was basically a friendship thing and I hope it didn't put anone off too much._

Chapter 6

When the plane pulled into Heathrow it was 11pm local time. Willow and Giles were tired and obviously a bit jet lagged already but, after his 3 successive cigarettes, Spike was happy and ready for a night out on the town.

"Willow our Taxi is this way. I trust you're arrangements have been made."

"Yea, don't worry about me watcher I'm sorted"

"Ok. Goodbye Spike"

"See ya"

"Bye Spike"

"See ya Red"

Spike sauntered off into the shadowed streets of London relishing in the air of his home city. Ahead of him there was a large gang of fledgling vampires. They blended into the crowds of people well enough. They appeared, as far as Spike could see, to be conforming to the 'Chav' trend that was just starting last time he was in the country. It would appear that it had taken off since then. One of them saw Spike and they honed in on him. They mustn't have been used to their new abilities and sensed him as good prey as opposed to another vampire. He sensed them following him and smiled inwardly. What a perfect way to start his first night back in London. The kill always got him going and the night was still young. He steered down a back street and just as he'd expected once they'd rounded the corner they sped up and chased him down.

"Oi. Goth-boy. Billy Idol"

Spike smiled at the old insults. Gods did these people never come up with anything new? "Yea, what do you bunch of wankers want?" He was deliberately trying to rile them into making the first move.

"What did you call us?"

Spike looked up at the vamp on the BMX bike. He walked over so that he was face to face with him. "Christ do I have to spell everything out for you people these days. What. Do. You. Bunch. Of. Wankers. Want? Clear enough for you ponce?"

The vamp on the bike head butted Spike in the nose and he and his friends all vamped out. "Not such a hard man now are you?"

"Oh you picked the wrong bloke mate" Spike got up off the floor with a metal pole with a jagged edge in his hand before going into game face and dusting one of the vamps now circling him.

The group of demons around him looked stunned but two of them recovered quickly and launched their attacks on Spike who stepped out of the way and held the pole in place to dust them both. He then swung the pole around like a bat and knocked the head off the vamp on the Bike and while the rest were recovering he staked them all in quick succession. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"I'm sure they're getting easier to kill. Ponces."

Spike walked back out of the alley and back onto the main street, sauntering into the first bar he came to.

--

Willow and Giles were in the cab on the way to Devon. Up until now they'd been riding in complete silence. Willow was fidgeting. The silence was uncomfortable. Giles turned his head and looked at her.

"You and Spike looked rather comfortable with each other on the plane"

"Yea we were. Why wouldn't we be?"

"I thought that as he had been with Tara the two of you would be awkward around each other"

"I thought we would too. I noticed at the hospital when Tara was being operated on that we wouldn't be"

"How so?"

"I don't know he was just so helpful and comforting about the whole thing and I just noticed that there wouldn't be any bad blood between us. I mean she got together with him like the night she broke up with me but she left him for me when I was in hospital so I would've thought he would hate me or something but he doesn't. It confused me at first but now I think about it I don't think he grudges me it because Tara's happy"

"She appears to have found a place in his heart and it looks like he still wants to be friends with her and if that means befriending you also I think that he's willing to try that as well."

"We've never been close or anything but we've always been quite friendly. I mean even when he tried to bite me and couldn't we were still friendly after that. Although I was a bit wary at first."

Willows realisation of the friendship caused a smile to spread lightly across her face and she and Giles continued the journey with casual conversation.

--

Spike walked into the arena. He walked to the front and took his seat next to a tall brunette. The beer vendor came over and, drink in hand Spike was ready for action.

The lights started to flash and silhouettes of the band appeared on stage and the first few chords of 'My Generation' rang out throughout the arena. Two hours and a considerable amount of beer later and the final chord of pinball wizard was drowned out by wild cheering and the house lights were switched on. The girl next to him. Kayleigh, had been flirting with him madly all night.

"So what are you're plans for the rest of the night"

"Dunno luv. Nights still young, probably goin to check out a couple of bars."

"How would you like some company?"

"Sorry pet but you look like you've had enough already"

"Well we could bypass the bars" She bit her lip and grabbed for his crotch only to get his hip and almost fall over her foot.

"Sorry pet but you're in no fit state for anything like that tonight"

"Hey! I am absolutely fine I'll have you know" She tried to make a dignified face only to turn a rather unappealing shade of green and throw up into the nearest chair. She straightened herself up to apologise to the leather-clad stranger only to find that he'd gone.

Spike walked out of the front doors of the arena and hopped onto the nearest motorbike, started it up and sped off with the owner's cries and curses following him down the street. He didn't know where he was going. Just a ride before he had to catch his return flight. _Bollocks! The watcher booked the flights._ Spike sped off onto the motorway and made his way to the convent.

--

Willow awoke at 3am to the sound of a motorbike pulling into the courtyard. She looked out of her window to se Spike walking towards the front doors, confronted by a very angry witch. He held his hands up in defence and they were clearly having a very heated conversation. Willow got dressed and made her way down into the courtyard.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF BRINGING THAT THING IN HERE AT THIS HOURS"

"I'm sorry I'm looking for someone and its really urgent."

"I DON'T CARE HOW URGENT IT IS. COME BACK IN A COUPLE OF HOURS"

Willow saw the witch fuming at Spike who was looking very scared at the, now floating, witch in front of him. He saw Willow come through the front doors and ran past the angry woman. "Red where's Rupes. I don't have a return flight to the states"

"Er I know he's staying here somewhere"

"Do you know which room?"

The angry witch turned to face the two of them. "Mr Giles left this morning. He'll be back in a day or two"

"Shit. I'm sorry Miss, I didn't catch your name"

"Its Eleanor"

"Eleanor. I've got nowhere to stay until I can get back to America. Is there any chance a bloke could kip here for a few days till I get Mr. Giles to book me a return flight"

"We don't usually admit vampires into the convent." She turned to look at Willow "Do you know this Vampire"

"Y-yea I do he's totally harmless. He fights evil with me back in Sunnydale."

"Hey not completely harmless"

"Spike you're not helping." Willow poked him in the side which caused him to jump in the air and yelp.

"Sorry, sorry god please just don't do that again"

Eleanor looked at the two in front of her and sighed. "Well you appear to get on rather well so you can have the room next to Willow"

"Thanks"

"Thank you Eleanor"

"Come on then Red lead the way"

Willow led Spike up the stairs to his room. "Here you go. Better go close the curtains. The sun'll be up soon."

"Thanks Red"

"It's ok. Now I've gotta go get some sleep before tomorrow."

"night pet"

--

I had been three days since Spike had arrived at the convent and, being as Willow was the only one who didn't look down her nose at him, he'd spent a lot of his spare time with the redhead. She'd been really nice to him since he showed up at the convent. He decided he needed to say thank you. By the time evening came he was at her door, bottle in hand. The redhead opened the door and invited him into her room.

"Hey Spike what's up"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"What's up"

"Well you've been really nice to me over the past few days, keeping me company and all that and I wanted to say thank you. So how about we have ourselves a little party?"

"Parties are good. Where are we going?"

"Right here, considerin' there's nothing round here for quite a few miles. I have whiskey and CD's"

"Hmm not so much a whiskey person."

"Liar. I saw what Harris got you for you're birthday last year"

"Ah. Jack is not whiskey. Its bourbon. BIIIG difference."

"Is there?"

"All bourbons are whiskey, but not all whiskeys are bourbon. Whisky is a distillate from a fermented mash of grain produced at less than 190 proof in such a manner that the distillate possesses the taste, aroma, and characteristics generally attributed to whiskey. For a whiskey to qualify as bourbon, international law stipulates that it must be made in the USA. It must be made from at least 51 and no more than 79 Indian corn, and aged for at least two years. And now I'm babbling. Sorry." She looked at the floor with quite an embarrassed look on her face.

Spike laughed at the redhead. "So bourbon is just Yank whiskey?"

Willow laughed lightly "Yea that's about it. And I'm very patriotic ergo I only like bourbon, specifically Jack."

"Good job I pay attention then isn't it"

"Yep now open the bottle." WIllows eyes shot wide open. "Wait. If I drink this my magic isn't gonna go AWOL is it?"

"Not a chance. Actually alcohol blocks magic. It clouds your mind so you can't get hold of the magic and it can't use you as an outlet"

"Oh that's good. Well then pour away or, what is it they said in Victorian times 'Splash the plink' or somethin?"

"I think you mean 'splosh the plonk' and that was the aristocrats way of saying pour the wine, specifically white wine."

"Oh. Ok well who cares fill me up."

"Now then I thought you'd had enough of those thoughts on the plane"

"oh god Spike only you could twist that"

"one of my greater qualities pet." He raised his glass and tipped the whole glass down his throat with Willow following suit. He was shocked to see that she didn't grimace as most people did. "No disgusted face there pet. Somethin you wanna tell me?"

"I told you. I like this stuff"

"one of the few pet" He poured them another round and they drained their glasses immediately.

Willow put her glass down on the table and swallowed. "You said something about music Spike. What've you got?"

"Got the sex pistols, the who, the stones"

Willow made an excited little squeal, "I love the Stones. I was brought up with them constantly on the stereo. My mom had THE biggest crush on Mick Jagger. Wouldn't admit it though"

"Didn't picture you as into the whole rock scene if I'm honest. Always thought you'd be into that crap the Nibblet always listens to. Out of sync or whatever they called."

"Are you kidding Justin Timberlake is awful. I wish someone would just tear out his larynx."

"Well when I offered to take it back to Dawn as a present she seemed somewhat against the whole idea"

Willow doubled over with laughter at the statement as Spike shuffled over to the CD player and put 40 licks into the machine to hear the opening sounds of 'Street Fighting Man'. When Willow recovered from her laughing fit she started to hum along to the tune of the song while pouring them another large round of Bourbon. By the time the bottle was empty they were both quite drunk. Willow tipped the bottle upside down over her glass and pouted.

"It's empty Spikey"

"I've got another in my room if you wanna make a night of it?"

"Yaay. Go get Jack." as Spike stood (somewhat difficultly) he heard a slurred version of 'Honky Tonk Women' followed him from the room. When he returned Willow was lying down on her bed humming along with 'It's All Over Now'

"I'm back"

"Yaay. Ok more now" She rolled off the bed onto the floor giggling and crawled over to the glasses. Spike stumbled his way across the room, trying to remove his boots mid-step and failing. He fell onto his back next to the glasses and proceeded to generously fill the tumblers, spilling some over the sides.

"Ok red bottoms up" He tipped the drink down his throat to look at Willow lying holding her bum high in the air while throwing her drink into the back of her throat.

"Now you're getting silly Red. I think I may have to cut you off" Spike was talking in a mock Giles voice as he took a deep swig straight from the bottle.

"Hey no fair." Willow leapt across the space between them and stole the bottle from Spike. "HA HA! I win" Willow closed her eyes and took a deep victory drink only to find the bottle snatched from her lips and then see Spike pouring the bourbon into his open mouth. Willow moved her face next to his in the vein hope of catching the falling bourbon before it met it's mark in Spike.

Spike stopped the flow of alcohol and stood up and put the cap back on the bottle. "I think I'll save this for me, or maybe for when you're not quite as drunk"

"Awww" Willow pouted yet again. The sight of her slightly quivering lip made Spike crazy. The alcohol was clearly having it's effect on them both. Normally he would've turned and left but he couldn't resist the look she was giving him.

He dropped the bottle and crossed the room in seconds and kissed her deeply. He had his hands on either side of her face and she stood to meet the kiss she pushed the coat off him and let it pool onto the floor. The two of them fell onto the bed, clothes flying all over the room until they were both completely naked. The heat of the moment had taken them both and soon Spike had plunged two of his fingers into the redheads waiting wetness. She gasped and bit her bottom lip in ecstasy while arching her back and rocking her hips on his hands. He took her right nipple into his mouth lightly flicking his tongue over it and then sucking and biting the firm bud. She screamed as her release came and she lifted herself off his fingers and rushed to his crotch. She took the head of his manhood into her mouth and slowly circled it with her bourbon covered tongue pumping her hand up and down his shaft. He moaned with each stroke of her hand and each flick of her tongue. He pulled her face up to his and kissed her passionately. She wrapped her legs around his waist and gently lowered herself onto his throbbing cock. He thrust into her slowly, gradually increasing his pace as she gasped and moaned into his mouth while she kissed him. As he neared his climax he sped up even more thrusting vigorously into her soaking pussy causing her to buck against him, craving her release. They climaxed together, moaning into each other's mouths with their release. They collapsed together, spent, and slept beside each other well into the night.


	7. Heartbreak

Author: dsmith141  
Title: In Search of Happiness  
Rating: 18/R/M (depending on which country you're in)  
Chapter Rating: 12/T I think. No good at ratings.  
Summary: A few of my favourite characters desperately trying to find love. Set after Tabula Rasa. Tara doesn't die.  
Feedback: Yes please. Come on I think I deserve it now after 7 CHAPTERS.  
Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns everything and I own nothing except the plot.

Chapter 7

The redhead awoke early the next morning. Her head felt like it was trying to expand in every possible direction at once. She rolled over, covering her head with a pillow, and the memories of last night's activities hit her like a two tonne truck.

"Spike! Wake up"

"Wah?"

Spike stirred, rubbing his head. After 200 years hangovers still didn't get any easier and a shrill wake up call never made it any better. He moved his leg slightly, feeling her naked flesh beside him, and realised why she was shouting, the memories of the previous night flooding his mind.

"Oh god. Glinda's going to kill us."

"Nuh uh, Not us. You maybe. You got me drunk."

"Hey it takes two to tango luv"

"I know but I don't tango with anyone but Tara, and I wouldn't have if you hadn't seduced me with Jack."

"WILL YOU STOP PLACING ALL THE BLAME ON ME! It's not like you were fightin' me off for Christ's sake!"

"I think you should leave," Willow looked solemnly at the floor, full of guilt, "Giles should be back by now and I've got to call Tara"

"Yea you're right. She has to know"

Spike got out of bed, dressed and headed down the hall to find Giles. This was going to tear Tara apart. He never wanted to hurt the witch but he knew that this was going to kill her.

Willow sat in her room, tears trickling slowly down her face. She couldn't lose Tara again. The first time was because she hadn't been honest but this time she would lose her if she was honest or not, because she _would_ find out. Sometimes love really sucked. She crossed the room, picked up the phone and dialled the number. Ideally she would have done this in person but she was stuck there for two more months.

"Hello"

"Hey baby it's me"

"Hi Will. Are you OK? You sound like you've been crying"

"Tara there's something I've gotta tell you" More tears trickled down the redheads cheeks and she was praying to anyone who would listen that Tara would forgive her, or at least give her another chance.

"What is it sweetie?"

"LastnightSpikeandIgotveryverydrunkandslepttogetherandi'mreallyreallysorryandIloveyousomuchpleasepleasepleasedon't  
leaveme."

Willow could hear it over the phone, feel it. The shock that had slammed into Tara's chest. The sound of her heart tearing itself apart and bearing itself to the world. The sound of the witch breaking down into tears was worse than the fell cry of demons.

"W-Willow I can't believe you'd do this"

"Tara I'm so so sorry. I was really drunk and if there was any way to undo what I did I would"

"I'm sorry but I just don't think I can trust you anymore. I-I thought we were doing well. I t-thought we were happy. G-goodbye Willow."

Willow was in shock as the line went dead. She fell to her knees and wept constantly for what seemed like an eternity. She cried out in a way resembling Oz when they had been together. She saw Giles standing in the doorway looking a little stern yet uncomfortable.

"Spike told me what happened between the two of you last night. Have you told Tara?"

"Looks that way doesn't it" Willow spoke with an unnecessary amount of venom in her voice. She couldn't take a lecture right now. She was in too much pain. She thought of how much pain she must have caused her lover and sobbed gently as Giles spoke.

"Spike feels awful about what happened. I saw it in her eyes when he told me how much pain it would cause you both. Something small, indescribable, in his eyes was dying at the very thought of hurting Tara."

"Why are you defending him. I thought you hated him…"

Giles cut her off mid-sentence "Because it would be wrong to hold this against him. You were both caught in the same circumstances and the night started as him thanking you."

Willow sighed. He had a point. Sometimes she hated it when he was right. "I know. We have to share the blame on this. Did you send him back?"

"Yes, he'll be on a plane in a few hours"

"Ok I've gotta go see Eleanor"

"Yes. Get her to cleanse you're Aura before you begin. You can't recover with this hanging over you're head."

"Ok. Thank you Giles"

Giles turned and left the redhead to get herself ready for the day ahead.

--

Tara hung up the phone. She stood there stunned. Tears falling down her face. Just as she thought things were getting better between them both, just as she thought she could trust Willow again things blew up in her face. She couldn't think. She didn't know what exactly had happened, and didn't think she wanted to. All she knew was that her lover and her ex had slept together. She'd never thought of Spike as a vindictive person and he'd taken it so well when they'd broken up. _Duh, vampire. He's evil, he's capable of anything. _Still she didn't think he'd do this to her.

She fell back onto the couch in the living room, tears still rolling down her face. The front door opened.

"Thanks Xand, See you tomorrow." Dawn stepped into the living room beaming and threw her bag onto the chair. Her face fell when she saw Tara. "Tara. What's wrong? Did something bad happen?"

Tara sniffed and wiped her eyes, "I just got a call from Willow. We broke up."

"What happened? You were just getting back to normal" Dawn looked almost as sad as Tara. She liked it when the two witches were together because it seemed like she had a family again.

"She and Spike had a fling in England. She called me and told me all about it this morning"

"Oh my god. Spike is so dust when I see him."

"No Dawnie, it's not all his fault. You can't take it all out on him. Besides who would you sneak out to see when things get rough."

The two share a smile and Dawn giggled a little "Yea I suppose so. But are you gonna be ok?"

"I'll be fine in a little while, I just need to figure out what I'm gonna do"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I won't be able to live here when Willow gets back, things will just be too awkward. I need to heal and I can't do that if I have to live in the same house as what I'm healing from. It'd be like being stabbed and trying to heal with the knife still in you"

"But what about me?"

"I don't know. Don't worry I'm not moving out yet. I've just gotta think is all."

"Ok. But I wanna be a part of it though."

"Of course you will be sweetie"

"Ok"Dawn crossed the room and snuggled up next to the witch.

--

Spike roared into the airport parking lot. He'd spent the day in an Irish bar to stay out of the sun. He didn't know what reaction he was going to face when he got back to Sunnydale. All he knew was he needed to get back home and have a drink. He abandoned the bike in the parking lot to be clamped by the first traffic warden who saw he didn't have a ticket and walked up to the check in desk.

"Hello sir how can I help"

"Hi. I've got a ticket here reserved under Giles?"

"let me just check that. Ah yes here it is. Can I see you're passport please sir?"

"Here you go." Spike handed over the passport that Giles had gotten for him.

"Thank you. There's your ticket and you're passport. Have a nice flight.." She checked his passport for a name, "Randy."

Spike gritted his teeth, he was going to kill the watcher "Thanks ducks"

Spike turned and trudged off into the airport. Once he got to the duty free he bought four 100ml bottles of Whiskey. He wasn't paying airplane prices again. He walked through customs and set off the metal detector. The assistants didn't buy his story about him having a micro-chip in his head. The woman ran the smaller metal detector over him and it continued to beep.

"Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to go with security to be searched properly"

"Look luv it's perfectly simple. I got locked up in the states and the experimented a new anti-violence micro chip on me."

"Sorry sir but we need to see documents to believe that"

Spike growled lightly "I don't have soddin' papers." he sighed at the woman "Look I'll show you" before anyone could stop him he was lying on the conveyor that holds the hand luggage with his head in the machine. "Look. Right in the back of my head there's a sodding chip"

The staff were alarmed by the extent to which his canines backed up into his jaw and looked to where his finger was indicating and ,seeing the small micro-chip, allowed him to proceed into the departure lounge followed by the stares of the other people queuing for customs.

He sat in the departure lounge on one of the small, frayed seats and waited for his flight to be called. He hated this part of flying. Sitting in a room filled with disgruntled travellers and over-active children. Eventually he was called to board the flight where he was greeted by the blonde from his previous flight.

"Alone this time sir?"

"Yea looks that way doesn't it"

Spike wasn't in the mood to flirt today. He hadn't fed in days and needed to get back to his crypt. He must have made his mood clear as the hostess backed away from him and went to tend to another passenger. He walked to the back where his seat was occupied by a brash, loud American tourist with a stars and stripes cowboy hat. Spike tried to calm himself down enough to do this rationally. If it wasn't for the damned chip he would've just knocked the guy out and ate him later but no. The American bloody government wanted him to be on their bloody leash.

"Excuse me mate but I think you've got the wrong seat"

"Yeah well I don't Billy so how about you just get yourself down there into that corner like a good boy"

Spike growled. He'd heard the New York twang in the guy's voice. This wasn't going to be pleasant, for either of them. Spike grabbed hold of the man by the scruff of the neck, flashed his game face and growled quietly at the cumbersome man in front of him through a twinge of pain from the chip.

"Look, you bloody ponce I'm tired and I haven't eaten in days so can the fucking attitude and move you're ass before I see if you really are too fat to fit through that bloody window."

The mans face whitened and a look of pure terror filed his eye. "Y-yea of course I'll just move my stuff"

"Thank you. Now that wasn't so hard was it" He dropped the man and he scurried past him leaving Spike with a seat that was now considerably wider than it had been. Spike sat and lined up his bottles of whiskey on the flight tray and, after drinking them, slept all the way to California.

--

Spike strode through the busy LA airport and into the parking lot. He saw his DeSoto still parked at the back. He got in and turned the ignition, clearing the parking tickets from his windscreen with a flick of the wipers. The car slid out of the parking lot and onto the highway. He needed to get back to his crypt to feed but decided he should go to see Dawn before he did. He felt bad about blowing her off and he'd begun to miss her.

He pulled up outside the house a short while later and sauntered up to the front door and knocked. He could hear the thunder of footsteps as Dawn ran down the stairs. She opened the door and to his surprise he was met with a look of pure contempt.

"What do you want? Haven't you done enough damage for one day? What were you thinking coming here? Didn't you think she'd mind after what you did?"

"What? Bit slow down."

"TARA. How can you come here after what you did to her?"

Spike's face fell. He knew he would've hurt Tara but he'd completely forgot about her living with Dawn. She must've been alerted by Dawn's shouting because when he looked up he saw the witch standing behind Dawn. Spike's eyes started to well up, tears of guilt forming in his crystal blue eyes. He looked into the eyes of the blonde and saw the pain in them. He needed to apologise to her, she had to forgive him. His voice cracked and he spoke quietly.

"Tara, can we talk?"

"What is there to talk about Spike?"

"Please, pet."

She saw the vampire standing there. The usual confident arrogance that came with him was gone. He seemed...vulnerable. His emotions had hit him hard and she could see the guilt that could slowly cripple him.

"Okay. Come in"

Dawn looked at him. She saw the vulnerability in the man and felt a small twinge of pity despite herself. She didn't want to forgive him just yet but she couldn't help herself. He was like kryptonite to her. Her heart softened at the sight of her friend's pain as she stepped aside to let him in.

Spike walked into the house and was led into the living room. He took a seat on the couch, perched on the edge of the chair with his head in his hands.

"Tara, I need you to know how sorry I am for this pet. I didn't plan any of it. She'd been so bloody nice to me when no one else would even look at me and I just wanted to say thank you. Didn't mean for things to get out of hand. Just wanted to have a few drinks is all. God I'm such a fucking idiot. I'd NEVER hurt you on purpose pet, I love you too damn much. Is there any way I can make it better?"

"I don't know what to say Spike. I just need to get back to normal. I need to heal."

"Let me help. I want to make you happy again"

"You can't do that. I think I'm gonna move back to the college dorms. When Willow comes back I'm not gonna be able to live here."

"What about the Nibblet?"

"I don't know. I need someone to take care of Dawnie until Willow gets back. Xander and Anya can't take her because they only have one bedroom and Giles is in England."

"She can stay with me." Spike looked up at Dawn, seeking her approval, to see the uncertainty in the girl's eyes.

Tara looked at the girl. "Dawn. Would that be ok with you? I mean if you want I can just stay here and have Xander come over at night for the last 3 or 4 days before Willow comes back."

Dawn paused to think. She didn't want to seem as though she had forgiven Spike but she also didn't want to cut him off completely. Better to try and make it work than to end the best friendship she'd ever had. "I'll stay with Spike."

Spike smiled. He saw in her eyes how hard the decision had been. He wanted to make things right with Dawn. "When do you wanna move in?"

"I dunno. Tara when do you want to go back to the halls?"

"Preferably soon. I don't think I can stay here"

"Well how about tonight? Or Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow. Probably best to give us time to pack"

"I'll see you tomorrow evening pet. I've gotta go. Ain't fed in a while."

Spike got up and left, pulling the DeSoto out of the street with ease and urgency. A small sense of relief in his chest. He knew it would take time for her to heal but at least Tara wasn't too mad at him. The look he'd gotten from Dawn when he'd arrived had hurt though. He really needed to make things right with her. If she'd let him. _Bit didn't look too pleased to be stayin over._

--

The next day at dusk Spike fired up the DeSoto. He hadn't slept that day, he was too busy preparing the crypt for Dawn's stay. He wanted to make things better between them and he knew that first impressions were the key as far as Dawn was concerned. He'd done a lot of work in the crypt and tried to make it as comfortable as possible for her. He pulled up outside the house and knocked on the door. Dawn trudged to the door slowly and opened it. She saw the small nervous smile on the vampires face and they shared a very awkward silence as she let him into the house.

"So, er, Dawn. You all packed?"

"Yea pretty much"

"When do you wanna leave?"

"Well Tara left earlier so I'm ready when you are"

"Ok then let's go." Spike picked up her case and carried it out to the DeSoto as she locked the door behind her. They drove in silence and when they finally got to the crypt Spike stopped, blocking the entrance, before they entered.

"Look pet I know you're not too keen on kippin' here but I want us to go back to the way we were. I can't have you hating me for what happened. I, er, I got some stuff for you coming over so you wouldn't get too bored and I got some food in for you."

He opened the door letting her and her bag into the crypt. The TV was just the same but placed under it was a PS2 and a stack of games almost as tall as she was.The corner that had formally been empty was filled with a huge four poster double bed and a curtain on a rail that would cover it and the space around it when she wanted some privacy. The bed was a huge thing with a black frame and blood red drapes and bedding, the curtain that surrounded the bed was something that she had wanted for her own room, black with small silver spirals.

Dawn stood staring in disbelief at the sight. Her jaw dropped when she saw the bed.

"So what do you say bit? Can you forgive me?"

She looked up at him and a small grin crossed her face and she dove at him, grabbing him around the waist and squeezing him in a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her head into his chest, resting his chin on the top of it and breathing in the comforting scent of his sweet Dawn.

"So Bit. Wanna have a housewarming do?" Spike gestured to a huge stereo on the other side of the crypt and bottles of light beer on the sarcophagus. Spike had never minded her drinking. When she went to stay during the bad summer and her rebellious phases she always drank away her problems but this time he was controlling what she could drink.

They celebrated their rekindled friendship and Dawn's moving in well into the night. They eventually stopped when Spike found Dawn sleeping on the couch when he returned from a bathroom break. He picked her up and laid her down on her new bed, closing the drapes behind her.

--

A few days after their party Dawn was walking across the lawns of UC Sunnydale. She was happy living with Spike but she missed Tara. They'd became good friends in the time they'd lived together. Dawn walked into the dorm and knocked on Tara's door. She was greeted at the door by the blonde. She saw Dawn and beckoned her in with a forced smile, wating to put on a brave face for the teen.

"Hey Dawnie"

"Hey how're you?"

"Oh you know. D-Dealing. Sort of"

"You wanna talk about it? I talked to Spike. He feels so bad. I've never seen him as miserable as when he's talking about how he hurt you and I saw him after he split with Dru. Or at least the monks make me think I did"

"I-I know it's not him it's just that most of my partners leave me for someone else. Someone b-better looking, funnier, smarter. I'm just s-sick of being a stepping stone to someone else. I just want someone w-who wants me for me. You know?"

"Noo Tara you've just had a bad history. You're a great person and…hello Tara you are totally gorgeous."

"You're sweet but I'm nothing special."

"Tara" Dawn scowled "Stop putting yourself down. You're gorgeous."

"I don't see it."

"Well let me enlighten you." Dawn started counting reasons off on her fingers "You have great skin, hourglass figure, good legs ,which you should show off more by the way, and a nice butt" She blushed at the last one in spite of herself. She may be 15 but there was still a little bit of immaturity inside her that came to the fore occasionally.

"Dawn are you hitting on me?" Tara had seen her blush and was teasing her. Dawn would've been mad had it not put a smile on the witch's face. It only lasted for a second, "I just wish everyone else would see it."

"Tara. People do se it. The ones who don't are either blind or complete idiots. You are gorgeous and you're a fantastic person. Willow screwed up. Twice. But just because that went to hell doesn't mean you have to keep getting at yourself like this"

"But how can I. The one person I l-loved above everyone else broke my heart twice and the one guy in the world who I thought wouldn't h-hurt me and would protect me helped her do it the second time. Is the whole world against me? I mean I've been shot, brain sucked, had my mind broken into and my heart ripped into shreds. What is it about me that makes these things happen."

Tara hung her head in her hands and started to weep softly. Dawn crossed the room and sat beside her on the bed, wrapping her arm around her in comfort. "Tara it's not you're fault. None of it is. The world isn't out to get you its just the way things go if you live in Sunnydale. You're one of the most amazing people I know and you've helped me through so much. You don't deserve for any of these things to happen to you"

Dawn looked at the witch. She looked so vulnerable. Her large blue eyes glistened through the tears. Dawn didn't know what she was doing or why but before she knew what was happening her lips were pressed against those of the witch. Tara's lips softened against hers. The kiss was gentle and chaste but it left Dawn smiling when she pulled away.

Tara opened her eyes and saw Dawn's smiling face darken and fall into a small upset pout. She was shocked by what had just happened and it must have shown on her face.

"Dawn I'm so sorry"

"Why are you sorry? What did I do wrong."

"Nothing Dawn it's just that y-you're only 15. And I'm on the rebound. It wouldn't be fair on you."

"I'm not a child."

"I know Dawn but you're a friend. I can't risk letting anything like this getting in the way of our friendship. You're like a little sister to me."

Dawn's expression softened, the pout still in place, "So there's nothing wrong with me?"

"No. Dawn no it's just I wouldn't want anything to come between our friendship. OK"

"OK. I'd better go. It's getting dark."

"Ok. Thanks for coming over Dawnie. I'll see you soon?"

"Yea I think so." They stood and Dawn hugged Tara tightly. "Feel better ok" She pointed at her to reiterate her order as she left the dorm and ran back to the crypt.

A/N: Ok couple of things. 1st off I mean no offence to any readers from New York it was just the first place in the states I could think of. 2nd thing review. Give me some. Please. Would appreciate feedback an awful lot.


	8. Departure

Author: dsmith141  
Title: In Search of Happiness  
Rating: 18/R/M (depending on which country you're in)  
Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns everything I'm just playing with his creations.  
A/N: WARNING: this chapter contains severe femslash. Anyone who doesn't like this sort of thing skip the chapter/don't read. But don't whinge at me because its there. I'm telling you now so you can skip it if needs be. Anyone who complains will be hunted down and repeatedly hit with a shovel by my muse :D thanks guys enjoy.

Chapter 8

Willow moved slowly through the airport, pulling her small case along behind her. The airport was so full she could hardly move yet she felt lonely. Every day she'd had to get Eleanor to cleans her emotionally but every night it just came back. Tara was out of her life again, and this time she wasn't sure if she'd come back. She was constricted by the crowds yet she still felt alone. Her chest was still crushing inward from the blow that Tara's departure had made.

The taxi drove her back to Rovello Drive. She found the house empty. No Tara. No Dawn. They'd all gone. She went upstairs to her room and dumped her suitcase on her bed. The wardrobes and drawers were all empty of Tara's things, it was as thought she'd never existed.

The front door opened. Dawn and Spike both walked into the house.

"I'm not too sure I should be here Nibblet."

"Hey. You have to stay. What if she isn't here and you have to take me back to the Crypt or or or what if there's a beastie in the kitchen?"

"Bit the door was open and all you're stuffs in the same place and no slash marks. No beasties about and it looks like she's here, considerin' her shoes're there."

Dawn looked up at Spike, frowning slightly. This was not the time for logic. She turned again when he sighed in defeat and shouted up the stairs to see if Willow was home and sure enough the Redhead walked along the landing to stand at the top of the stairs. She was holding what looked like a white rag in her hand but what Spike recognised as one of Tara's blouses. She fell to her knees and wept as Dawn bounded up the stairs to comfort her. Spike was left standing at the foot of the stairs, unsure o how to deal with the situation.

"Willow it's gonna be ok."

"S-She's really gone isn't she?"

"Yea she is. Why don't you call her. Talk. You know set things straight. Go out for coffee or something?"

"She wouldn't come"

"Come on. She'd at least give you a chance"

"I don't think so. I screwed up again. She gave me my second chance."

Spike looked up. "Look pet. She'd at least talk to you and listen to what you had to say. By rights she could've staked me when I came back but she didn't. She listened to what I said. Call her. She'll at least talk on the phone."

"You sure?"

"Yea."

"Thanks Spike"

"So Nibblet. What you wanna do? Move in back here or stay with me?"

"She's been staying with you?"

"Yea I'm the only one who could put her up."

"Will, you should see the crypt now its amazing"

"Dawn now's not the time to talk about my choice of decorator. You wanna stay here or you wanna come back with me?"

"I dunno. Willow do you want me to stay with you or will you be ok on your own?"

"Ill be fine Dawnie. If you wanna stay with Spike then that's fine. Just don't be a stranger ok?"

"Ok"

"Well then Nibblet, lets go. You gonna be OK Red?"

"Yea. I have, you know, laundry and I think I'll call Tara."

"Ok. Come on bit"

Dawn hugged Willow tightly one last time and walked down the stairs and sout of the door. Spike looked up at the witch and smiled slightly and followed her out. Willow stood and walked back into her bedroom. She picked up the phone and dialled the number for Tara's dorm room.

"Hello."

"Tara, hi. It's me" The mere sound of her voice put a smile on Willow's face or the first time in two months.

"Hey Will. You're back?"

"Y-yea just. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for...coffee or something. You know. Like as friends or, or just to talk, please."

"Er yea sure. When do you wanna meet up?"

"How about 3 at the Espresso Pump tomorrow?"

"Yea that should be ok. I'll see you then"

As the line went dead Willow smiled. The prospect of a date, no not a date. Just coffee with a friend. Come on Willow calm down it'll all be ok, with Tara had lightened her mood. It felt like she had a balloon in her chest. She smiled widely and went back to her case and finished unpacking.

--

Tara arrived at the Espresso Pump the next day at 3 o clock exactly. Willow was already there sitting in the corner on the comfy couch with Tara's favourite coffee in front of her on the table. She saw Tara arrive at the coffee shop and her eyes lit up. She stood smiling at her and invited her over to sit down.

"Hey"

"H-hey" Tara sat at the other side of the couch to Willow with a small gap between the two of them. She wasn't still mad at Willow or what ha happened but she was still a little nervous as to how things were going t work between them today. "How was England?"

"It was Ok. They were really helpful. Now I don't need magic and if I have to use it, I won't go all black eyed an veiny. Definite plus. How've you been?" with this question Willow looked at the floor guiltily at the memory of the day they'd broke up and there was an awkward silence between the two.

"I've been ok. Dealing."

"I'm so sorry. I just dunno what to say to make things better."

"It's ok. I'm over it."

"No it's not OK. I fucked up and I just wanna make things better but I can't and it's killing me." Willow looked at Tara with tear filled eyes. "Let me make things better"

"I don't know what you can do Willow."

"Would you tell me if you did?"

"Yes"

"Ok" Willow smiled slightly. "Are things gonna be ok between us?"

"I-I think so"

The two sat in silence and sipped at their drinks.

"I found one of your shirts in the laundry yesterday. If you want it you can come over and get it or I could bring it over for you" Willow smiled hopefully. She was clutching at strings now, she didn't care if she came off as needy because she did need the witch. She wanted any excuse to see her again.

"W-We can go back and get it after the coffee if you want."

"Yea" Willow beamed a huge smile across the couch.

The two continued to talk and by the time the coffees were finished they were too engrossed in conversation with each other to notice. It had been so long since they'd just talked like this and Willow was loving it. It was putting her at ease and any awkwardness that there had been was gone. They felt completely at ease together again.

"Oh gosh it's like 7 o clock. I should really be getting back."

"Oh ok. Do you wanna swing by and get you're top now?"

"Yea sure"

The two walked back to the house in silence. Willow was smiling from ear to ear but Tara was deep in thought. When they arrived she invited Tara inside. For a minute she just stood in the hallway but then she followed Willow upstairs. Willow felt her presence and looked up to the doorway and smiled at her. Her face fell when she saw the expression on Tara's face.

"Tara What's wrong? I-I thought things went well?"

"Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard. You can't ever ... (sighs) put them back the way they were. You know, it takes time. You can't just ... have coffee and expect…"

Willow looked at the floor full of guilt. She'd forgotten about what had happened too quickly. "I know."

"There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides …"

Willow looked up with tears welling in her eyes. After the evening they'd had she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was about to speak before Tara cut her off. "You have to learn if ... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives." Tara looked down and her upset expression deepened and tears started to prick her eyes. "It's a long... important process, and ... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?"

Willow was stunned. She didn't know if she'd heard correctly. She looked up hopefully and was delighted when she realised by the look on Tara's face she'd heard right. She smiled widely and jumped up off her space on the floor and Tara met her halfway with a passionate kiss that encapsulated them both.

Hot tears of joy smoothed a path down the faces of the two witches as they backed further into the room, kicking the door closed behind them. Tara's hands were wound up in Willow's hair pulling her closer. She craved the softness of the redheads lips on her flesh. She was burning for her touch. She clawed at Willow's blouse impatiently, not managing to take it off. She was so desperate for Willow's love, her thoughts were incoherent.

Willow was pulling her lovers hips towards her, pressing their bodies together intensely. She tore Tara's blouse open, pushed it off her shoulders and unclipped her bra, allowing it to fall to the floor bearing her soft, smooth breasts. She felt her own blouse ripped open, buttons scattering across the room.

Tara pushed her backwards onto the bed, straddling her hips and pushing her face down to kiss her lover. Willow melted into her and her tongue slipped into Tara's mouth, exploring every inch of it. Her hands slipped down to Tara's waist, unbuttoning her jeans and ridding her of the few clothes she was left wearing. Tara followed suit and within moments they were both naked and entwining themselves, wanting to feel every bit of there lover pressed against them.

Tara dragged her nails lightly down her lover's torso and led a trail of hot kisses down to he collarbone and then further to her left breast, taking the already hard nipple into her mouth, running her tongue around the hard nub. Willow moaned as Tara transferred her attention to her other breast. She scratched her nails down Tara's back and arched herself to her lover impatiently, craving release. Tara's tongue made a trail down Willow's stomach and her inner thigh, gently kissing her way back up and lightly stroking her clit with her tongue. Willow gasped and pushed Tara further into her wetness, clutching her hair.

Tar's tongue explored her lover's folds with her tongue causing gasps and moans of pleasure to emit from Willow's mouth. She rubbed her clit with her thumb while licking her opening. Willow thrashed her head back onto the pillow, pushing her hips up and rocking against Tara's hand and tongue until she came with screams and gasps of pleasure.

She reached down and pulled Tara up to her face, tasting her release on her lover's tongue. She reached down and rubbed Tara's clit lightly with her thumb as she drove two of her fingers into her opening. She felt her muscles clench around her hand as she pumped her fingers rapidly into the witch. Tara moaned into Willow's mouth and threw her head back as she neared her climax. She screamed her reacquainted love's name as she came leaving them both dazed and panting.

The front door opened. Dawn had known Willow and Tara had gone for coffee and wanted to know what had happened.

"Willow? Willow where are you?"

Willow came down from her post sex haze to see a sleeping Tara beside her when she heard the teens voice calling her name, "Dawn?"On hearing her response she bounded up the stairs towards the cause of the noise. Willow had already managed to throw on a pair of loose fitting shorts and an old jersey and was standing in front of the door leaving it slightly ajar.

"Hey, how did it go today, at the coffee shop?"

"Oh yea. It went well. Totally. "

Tara woke up to find the bed empty, she wrapped the sheet around her and opened the door to see Dawn and Willow standing there. Dawn's face lit up when se saw the blonde witch. Tara's face reddened rapidly due to the embarrassment of the situation.

"Oh. Hey"

Dawn's grin widened "Oh! You and-"

"Uh, that's my cue to put some clothes on."

"No! No no no! I'm totally not here! You guys, you do whatever you want. Um ... I'll come back later" Dawn giggled and squealed running back down the stairs only to re-appear immediately. "I love you guys!"

Tara and Willow smiled at each other and went back into the bedroom.

--

Dawn was on her way back to the crypt, joy filling ever step she took. She was genuinely happy for the witches. Her cell phone vibrated against her leg.

"Hello"

"Hey Dawnster how's it goin?"

"Hey Xand. I'm great. Willow and Tara are back together." Dawn squealed again down the phone.

"Great. My ears appreciate what you're doing for them"

"Sorry Xand I'm just so happy."

"Great. How do you fancy coming to the bronze tonight to celebrate? Just you and me what do you say?"

"Sounds great"

"Ok I'll see you there about 7:30."

"Ok"

The line went dead and Dawn continued her way back to the crypt. Spike was sitting in the couch in front of the TV with a mug of blood in his hand.

"Spike. You'll never believe what's happened"

"What? You get attacked?" Spike stood up sloshing blood all over his hand, his eyes flashing yellow.

"No nothing like that. It's Willow and Tara, they're back together?"

Spike's expression turned from anger to sadness at the realisation that he really had lost Tara to the redhead. He'd been living on a false hope that if he could prove he was sorry she'd come back to him but now his cause was even more lost.

"That's great bit. I'm off out for the night. Don't wait up."

"Ok I'm going to the bronze later with Xander"

"Take a stake with you ok?"

"Yea sure."

"See you later Bit."

Spike stood and left the crypt swirling his duster around his shoulders and lighting a cigarette.

Later that night Spike arrived at the bronze. It was karaoke night and singing always seemed to calm him. He signed his name on the list and waited for his turn. He stood at the side of the stage with a beer while he waited for the previous teen to vacate it and eventually he took to the mic The first few cello chords rang throughout the speakers. He was sick of the hurt that he was feeling at the hands of women, sick of being a stepping stone, sick of being used.

"I'm giving up the ghost of love, in the shadows cast on devotion. She is the one that I adore. Queen of my silent suffocation. Break this bittersweet spell on me, lost in the arms of destiny.

It felt as though Tara had him under a spell, encapsulating him with her presence and personality.

"Bittersweet. I won't give up, I'm possessed by her. I'm bearing her cross, She's turned into my curse. Break this bittersweet spell on me, lost in the arms of destiny."

He felt like she was inside the space where his soul should be. She was well and truly under his skin and it was killing him. A love he couldn't rid himself of.

"Bittersweet. I want you, I'm only wanting you, And I need you, I'm only needing you. Break this bittersweet spell on me, lost in the arms of destiny. Break this bittersweet spell on me, lost in the arms of destiny. Bittersweet."

He needed her in his life but he couldn't stand to have her there. Tears were pricking his eyes. He looked across the room to see Dawn and Xander gawping up at the stage at him. He silently left the stage, ordered another beer from the bar and retreated into a corner.

Xander got up and went to the bathroom, leaving Dawn at the table alone. She walked over to Spike's corner to see silent streams of tears warming their way down his face.

"Spike?"

"Yea bit?"

"That was great. Are you ok?"

"Not really. I can't stand it here any more. I need to get out of here."

" What do you mean?"

"I can't stay in Sunnydale. Not with what happened with Dru then Buffy and then Tara. This place holds too many bad memories for me."

"But You can't leave. You have to stay. Where will I go?"

"Keep the crypt safe for me pet. I've gotta go it just hurts to much to be here. Everyone I love uses me or leaves me. I just need to get away from the memories."

"But I need you here."

"No you don't. You're a big girl now bit. And you've got the witches. You'll be fine."

Dawn's face fell. He still didn't know how she felt about him. She wanted him to love her as she loved him.

"I'm leaving tonight pet. First flight back to England."

"Will I see you again?"

"Yea of course. Don't know when though. Could be weeks. Could be longer. I just don't know."

Xander got back to the table and was looking around bewildered for Dawn.

"Best go back pet. The whelps lookin' for you."

"Ok. Goodbye Spike."

Dawn got up and went back over to Xander, her mind preoccupied by Spike's imminent departure. She had an idea. She stood up and walked over to the stage. She was going to make her mark on Spike. She scrawled her name on the list and took to the stage. She looked over to his corner and saw him watching her intently. The first few bars played her into the song.

"I would die for you. I would die for you. I've been dying just to feel you by my side. To know that you're mine. I will cry for you. I will cry for you. I will wash away your pain with all my tears. And drown your fear. I will pray for you. I will pray for you. I will sell my soul for something pure and true. Someone like you. See your face everyplace that I walk in, Hear your voice every time I am talking, You will believe in me. And I will never be ignored."

She loved the way that he believed in her, the way he saw her as a friend and not jus a child. He treat her like an adult.

"I will burn for you. Feel pain for you. I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart. I'll tear it apart. I will lie for you. I can steal for you. I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, You're just like me. Violate all my love that I'm missing. Throw away all the pain that I'm living. You will believe in me, And I can never be ignored. I would die for you. I would kill for you. I will steal for you. I'd do time for you. I would wait for you. I'd make room for you. I'd sail ships for you. To be close to you. To be a part of you. 'Cause I believe in you. I believe in you. I would die for you."

She meant every word of the song. She would die for him at any possible opportunity. She wanted him to see just how she was devoted to him.

Spike watched her all through the song. Watching her sing under the hot stage lights. He saw how she was no longer the little girl she once was. The last six months had developed her. She'd hardened under the strain and she was becoming more and more of the woman she would end up as. He stood up and looked up at the stage. He couldn't stay with his current problems and he couldn't develop his love for Dawn into more, into what she wanted it to be. She saw him standing in the doorway of the bronze and they shared a smile. She looked at Xander who was applauding wildly, and then back to the doorway only to see a final swirl of leather. He was gone. And she wasn't sure if she'd see him again.

_A/N: Ok guys Im sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry i'm realy bad at writing songfics but I needed a way to express how the characters felt and I saw an opening. I obviously don't own either of the songs. Spike's song was 'Bittersweet' by Apocalyptica, the Rasmus and HIM and Dawn's song was '#1 Crush' by Garbage if anyone's interested._


	9. Drowning your Sorrows

Author: dsmith141  
Title: In Search of Happiness  
Rating: Erm this chapter probably isn't that bad, a few naughty words but nothing serious so probably about 12/k+  
Disclaimer: I really can't stress this enough, as far as characters go I own bugger all, they all belong to my idol Josh Whedon and Mutant Enemy and all the other guys who have patents and lawyers and PLEASE DON'T SUE MEEEEEE!! +runs and hides+  
Summary/catch-up: OK for those of you who have memories like holey buckets I'll recap. Buffy is DEAD, Xander and Anya are married, Tara and Willow are back together, Spike is in love with Tara and is developing feelings for Dawn, Dawn still crushes for Spike, Willow can use magic without going all black eyed and veiny but rarely does. That should about cover it :) Enjoy

Chapter 9

Spike turned the corner onto the main street, dull streetlights illuminating the bleak main street of Sunnydale. What was he thinking. She's only 15, she's still a bloody minor. _She'll be 16 soon in England that'd be legal. No, bad Spike shouldn't be havin' those thoughts about the Nibblet. _He had to get out of Sunnydale. He couldn't stand it. He was surrounded by unattainable women who were far too good for him. He missed home. He missed the English countryside, the view of the moors as fog intertwined itself with rolling hills. The moonbeams bouncing off the wet grass. The silver sheen across the hills on a clear night. He rounded the next corner and jumped into the DeSoto and took the first road out of Sunnydale, straight to the airport, and freedom from the shackles of his shattered relationships. Dru, Buffy, Tara, Willow, Dawn. His feelings and past experiences were chaining him down. He needed to get over them all.

--

Heathrow was practically empty as he stalked through Terminal 5. He walked out into the parking lot to steal whatever caught his eye and the bike he'd left on his previous encounter was still there, covered in parking tickets and clamped by the back wheel. He threw the parking tickets off the bike and ripped off the wheel clamp, throwing it at a nearby pay and display machine. He smiled, the minor display of aggression had made him feel a bit better for a moment. He was hit suddenly by the realisation that he didn't know where he was going. He fuelled up at the nearest petrol station and drove off, without paying of course, on the first road his tyres met.

By the time the sun had risen he was in Dartmouth and had checked himself into a little hotel, well less checked into and more scared the crap out of the manager until he let him stay for free. _Bloody idiot, it's 4:30 am and I'm in desperate need of a room, don't they know what vampires are over here, we don't have bloody bank accounts. _He slept throughout the day and woke up at about 7 when he heard some already drunk people wandering along the path outside to the pub next door. Spike went downstairs into the main entrance and flashed his trademark smirk at the manager to see all the colour drain from his face. He went down the street to a butchers he'd passedon his way into town to buy some blood with the money he'd stolen from behind the desk when the manager hadn't been looking. As he drank the bag he pondered on what he was going to do to entertain himself and he decided that in order to help him forget his troubles he was going to get royally pissed. He finished his blood and walked into the bar next to the hotel he was staying in.

He entered the bar and slid a twenty onto the bar.

"Decent bottle of whiskey and a glass please mate"  
The barman ran his eye over Spike, trying to place his accent and his troubles, "seems to me that plenty o' people turnin' to this stuff to fix up their lives, That gent over there done nothing but stare at the wall"

Spike looked over to where the barman was indicating and saw Giles sitting there staring at a picture of the convent on the wall. "Bloody hell"

"You know him?"

"Yea, must be somethin bloody awful to make him turn to drink though." Spike picked up his whiskey, glass and change and walked across the bar towards were the watcher was sitting. "What's the trouble watcher?"

Giles looked up at Spike and rolled his eyes "Bugger off Spike"

"Now that's not too polite, 'specially seein' as I'm the one with the fresh bottle and you seem to be runnin' low. Now I'm gonna ask again. What's so bad it's worth you blowin you're brains out with booze?"

"Bloody witches that's what. I'm a sodding fool Spike. Never bloody trust them. Ever." Giles threw the whiskey in his glass into the back of his throat and grimaced slightly.

"Red say somethin?"

"No not Willow. Bloody Eleanor. Stupid aura cleansin' cow broke into my mind while I was sleepin' and saw who I was and got a touch annoyed. Complete over-reaction of course."

"Wait a minute is this the firecracker that gave me an earful about my bike?"

"Yes I believe you were acquainted."

"So she broke into you're head?"

"Yes"

"Christ. Lot of that goin' round what with Red doin' it to Tara a while back and now you. Seriously thinking about getting a pendant to stop that kinda crap. Could probably put a spell on an eyebrow piercing. Been after one of those for a while."

"Wouldn't it just heal as soon as the needle came out?"

"Yea probably. Sucks don' it."

"Yes Spike. Healing that's so fast a hole in you're head doesn't give you time to shove metal in it is an awful thing to have." Giles rolled his eyes and emptied another glass of whiskey.

"Hey I'm here offerin' my condolences and all I get is sarcasm"

"Yes because you've never in you're life resorted to such awful tactics"

Spike glared at Giles and took another drink of his Whiskey. He looked at the bottle of Bushmills to find it half empty. "It would appear we're runnin' low again watcher. What you say we go check out a few bars further up the river, get outta this place. it's a little dank even from my tastes and I live in a soddin' crypt."

"Fantastic plan. So what brings you here?"

"Just couldn't stand bein' in Sunnydale any more. Too many painful memories."

"How so?"

"Well all the crap I had with Dru there, and then Buffy, then Tara, then Willow and now the Nibblet's tryin' to bag me."

"Dawn?"

"Yea. Karaoke night at the Bronze and she basically declared her love for me through song."

"there isn't another Sweet is there?"

"Nar. Just karaoke"

"Ok. Well its obvious she's had a crush on you for quite a while. You aren't thinking of doing anything are you?" Giles swayed slightly in his inebriated state while shooting a disapproving scowl at the blonde vampire.

"No! That's why I came over here. Don't wanna hurt her by rejectin' her."

"Oh. Well I suppose that's ok"

The two sat exchanging casual small-talk about the disadvantages of love and memories of bad times in their past when they'd been screwed over by it. When the second bottle lay drained on the table before them Giles frowned again and lay his head down heavily against the table.

"Spike, it would appear that +hic+ that we're somewhat empty on the whiskey front"

Spike lowered his semi-drunken gaze to the bottle, "So we are. Come on then lets get outta this dive and get some more to drink"

The two stood, in Giles' case with difficulty, and left the bar. They walked further up the river and spent some time in the next three bars gradually getting more and more drunk. When they had been forced to leave their latest bar due to closing they staggered gleefully out and walked further up the river. The barrier between the footpath and the river was worn and broken in some places. It was high water and the river was moving slowly.

Giles was staggering waywardly. He'd done well to keep up with Spike so far but due to his lack of vampire alcohol tolerance he was suffering the effects much more. He stumbled over to Spike and laid his arm across his shoulders. Spike elbowed him off lightly causing Giles to fall through the barrier and into the river. Spike doubled over with laughter and moved over to look over the edge at a floundering Giles. He reached his hand down to the watcher laughing through tears.

"Come on you daft old git"

Giles looked up indignantly and pulled Spike in with him "not that old" Giles pouted through his shivering and pulled himself up the ladder at the side of the river. Spike pulled himself up after Giles still laughing at the watcher.

"Come on Ripper lets get you home."

Giles smiled and then his face fell in shock.

"Oh dear, I've just realised I have nowhere to stay tonight"

"Well come back to the hotel with me. I'll put you up for the night."

"Why thank you very much."

"It's ok. Only right"

The two managed to get back to the hotel after an hour of staggering through Dartmouth taking wrong turn after wrong turn and scaring a few locals.

--

Spike awoke the next day and rolled over in his double bed to see Giles sleeping beside him. He jumped back and was shocked again to find that they were both naked. He dove out of bed like a rabbit out of a foxhole and tripped on a stray bit of bed sheet landing with a loud bump onto a pile of wet, river drenched clothes. Giles awoke at the sounds and was as shocked as Spike had been.

"Oh god Spike what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"NO! SPIKE WHY AM I NAKED?"

"I don't know!!"

"Hold on why are my clothes wet?"

"I dunno."

"Are yours wet?"

Spike looked over to his duster to see water pooling in the pockets "looks like it. Smells like river water."

"We must've fallen into the river."

"I don't care what happened I have no clothes, you have no clothes and my head is exploding so you must be in HELL."

"Yes there is a slight hangover going on here"

"Sod it all I'm taking a cold bath."

Spike sauntered out of the room into the bathroom leaving Giles to bury his head in the pillow.


	10. Returns

Author: dsmith141  
Title: In Search of Happiness  
Rating: only about 12/K+ I think  
Summary: Spike lives in England again nuff said really.  
Pairings: Spike/?  
Disclaimer: Just the usual, Josh owns everything and I own nothing unfortunately.  
A/N: Ok this is set about 2 years after the last instalment which is pretty much all you need to know. Oh and also I didn't know when Dawn's actual birthday was so I set it sometime in March to correspond with the sunset/sunrise hours I was working with. Now on with the show.

Chapter 10

Spike opened his eyes as the red glow of the sunset made its way through the edges of the drapes. He stood, stretching out like a cat, and slipping his way into the bathroom, taking care to avoid any possible stray sunrays. He stepped into the bathtub and turned on the shower, feeling the warm spray splashing down on his back. He stepped out of the shower and into a fluffy black bathrobe. If any demons saw him now he'd never live it down. A shrill ringing, which he recognised as the phone, sounded throughout the small apartment.

"Hello"

"Hey Deadboy"

"What do you want Harris? How did you even get this number?"

"Giles told us about you looking after his apartment so he gave me the number. I need a favour.."

"And what makes you think for a second that I'd do anything for you?"

"It's not for me you ass it's for Dawn"

"What do you need?"

"It's her 18th birthday soon and we wondered if you could perhaps show up to this one instead of just sending a gift."

Oh no. It was the day he'd been dreading since he left. The day he would have to return to Sunnydale. He didn't want to but this was a one time thing and there wasn't anything to say he couldn't leave again.

"Ok. I'll be there. When do I show up?"

"Friday night at the Bronze. Any time after 7."

"Ok"

"I'll pick you up from the airport on Thursday night. Your flight's booked. Just get to Heathrow by 1am Thursday morning. Clem's been keeping your Crypt warm for you so you can stay out of the way until the party. Remember it's a surprise so don't let her find out you're there until the party."

"Yea ok got it."

Spike hung up the phone and collapsed onto the bed holding his head in his hands. This was going to be difficult.

--

Dawn sat in her room in front of her dresser. She was 18 in two days but she's started to dread her birthdays. Another year without him. She'd never gotten over her crush on the vampire and it got worse every year. Every year she'd receive a gift from him but he wouldn't turn up in person. She sat and looked at herself in the mirror. She ran her fingers over the pendant she'd received from him on her last birthday. She never took it off. She missed him terribly. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks as she ran her fingers over the smooth amethyst heart set in the wings around her neck.

Willow appeared in the doorway behind her. She remained unaware of her presence and Willow just looked on at the crying teen hoping that this year her birthday would make up for the last two.

--

Spike wandered through LA international airport, his coat billowing behind him. He was met by a stony glare from Xander and smiles from the two witches beside him. Willow and Tara both embraced him lightly when he arrived and Xander was left standing to the side until the greetings were finished. They strolled out into the car park and Spike looked around , stopping dead in his tracks.

"Where is it?!"

"W-Where's what Spike?"

"MY CAR!"

"Don't worry Clem's taking care of it."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Spike sulked all the way home. He didn't even make fun of Xander's driving. They pulled up outside the cemetery and Spike nodded his appreciation to Xander and the witches. He skulked across the cemetery and in an instant his ears pricked. He heard her voice. She must've gone patrolling with Anya while the others picked him up from the airport. He saw her through the branches of the tree in which he'd taken refuge. Her hair was slightly shorter than it was and only just tickled her shoulder blades. She'd grown since they'd last met and she had developed even more into the woman she had almost become and as a result her clothes stuck to her like a second skin. Her clothes were a lot similar to Faith's as opposed to Buffy's. The leather trousers matched with a tight, dark purple tee covered with a stomach length leather jacket. Her clothes left little to the imagination, her figure almost completely visible. Her long slender legs lending themselves to her hips and then dipping back in to her waist and then out again to her full bust. She was a vision. A goddess. Spike couldn't take his eyes off her until she disappeared through the far gate of the cemetery. Her voice had been sad, unrepentant and not right for a girl about to turn 18. He dropped from the tree and walked over towards his crypt, bursting through the door to see Clem spring out of the chair clutching a stake.

"It's taken pa- oh Spike hi"

"Hey mate"

"You're back"

"Looks like it. How're things?"

"They're good."

"How's the Nibblet"

"She's Ok. She's been a bit down lately though. She really misses you."

"That's why she's sad?"

"Yea I think so."

His mind was in turmoil. He wanted Dawn so much. Since he'd left he'd thought bout little else. He was completely over Dru, Buffy, Tara. All of them. They didn't matter. But Dawn was different. She was a constant love in his mind. He used to think it was like a brotherly love, he loved her because he had to protect her. As the time had gone on and he'd seen her grow up, however, his feelings got stronger and grew more meaning. He couldn't interpret them properly until the day he left, he'd seen her walking across the crypt in her underwear when she'd though he was asleep. Her milky white skin was perfect then too. It was then that he knew he loved her. That night at the Bronze had only hammered those feelings home. The problem he was now faced with was that when he saw her he didn't just see the Raven-haired goddess he'd seen that night. He still saw a child, one that he was to protect at all costs. It was a battle that was being fought in him. The morals that he'd somehow acquired over the past few years wee telling him that he was wrong but every other part of him was telling him to go for her.

"Hey. Spike" Clem waved his hand in front of Spike, "You kinda zoned out on me there. Are you Ok?"

"Yea I'm fine mate I think I just need to get some sleep. Jet lag"

"Well. I'll let you get some rest then. I'll just be at Willy's if you need me"

"Yea thanks"

Spike ushered Clem out of the crypt. He grabbed a bottle of scotch off the sarcophagus and collapsed onto his couch. He needed to think.

--

She was stood in the bronze. The white party lights and the heavy bass from the music pounding the room. She was surrounded by her friends and a load of other people from school. She felt alone in the crowd and all she wanted to do was to run. The one person she'd wanted to be there had disappointed her again. She'd received his gift his morning as usual. A leather coat and trouser set. Someone at home must have told him her sizes. She surveyed the room once more, looking for any sign of bleach. It was already 8 and everyone else had arrived.

She was disappointed in her search once again and moved over to the bar to get another drink. She was immediately surrounded by half of the football team all offering to buy the 'Birthday girl' her net drink. She declined all offers but one. A guy named Dominic. He was cute and not quite as arrogant as the other guys. Se took the drink and went back to the dance floor. Again she found herself surrounded by the football team as she danced with Dominic. Their hands semi-innocently roaming all over her body.

She suddenly felt a new pair of hands on her back and the football players backed away. She felt the amazingly cool hands touch her arms and spin her around. She almost screamed at what she saw. It was him. The one she'd waited for for so long. He'd finally came back. She couldn't contain herself. Before her brain had properly registered the reason for his presence she'd thrown her arms around his neck and was sobbing gently into his collarbone.

"Happy Birthday Nibblet. Sorry it's been so long." He held her close into him with her hair in his face. He inhaled her scent, just as he'd remembered it.

She stopped crying and pulled away for a minute as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She reached up and slapped him, not too hard but hard enough so that he felt her hurt. "Two years! You said you'd be back soon!"

"Sorry pet. It took longer than I thought"

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

Spike smiled down at the brunette "Yes." A slow song came on next. "Dance with me?"

"Ok"

She ducked her head down into his collar and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. She looked up at him. "I missed you"

"I missed you too pet. I'm sorry I stayed away so long pet"

"It's Ok. Just don't do it again" She gave him a flash of what he recognised as his own smirk.

"Oh I think I could stay for a little while"

She smiled again and tucked her head back into his chest. His head rested with his mouth right next to her ear.

"I realised something while I was away pet. I needed to get over some feelings and as I did I realised what I want. I love you pet"

She was shocked at hearing those three words. She'd dreamt it so many times and now it was finally happening. She didn't think to speak. She couldn't think. She raised her head and looked into those pools of blue. She pulled him closer to her and kissed him. Her lips were soft and gentle against his and it took him a short time to react to what was happening. They were oblivious to what was going on around them, the hurt egos of the football players and the fuming Xander trying to make his way across the room to wrench them apart only to be stopped by Willow. They broke apart and were completely absorbed in each other.

"I love you too Spike. I always have."

"I know pet. Just took me a bit long to realise is all."

"Can we get out of here? I just wanna be with you."

"You're place or mine?"

"Your's"

"Not any more pet. Ours"

_A/N: OK guys this was the final installment. If the demand for it is great enough I might write a single smutty sequal as to what happens when they get back to the crypt but I think this is where I'll leave it. Thank you all for reading and as this is my first fanfic I would greatly appreciate reviews. Like it? Tell me why. Hate it? Tell me why. See areas for improvement? TELL ME!! Thanks for you're time guys it's greatly appreciated xxx_


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